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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, February 24, 2002

FAMILY MATTERS
Valentine's gifts are no measure of real love

By Ka'ohua Lucas

"Happy Valentine's Day, honey," my husband announced, extending his arm with a carefully wrapped package in the palm of his hand.

"What is it?" I asked. "Another one of your famous Valentine's Day presents?"

He answered with a loud burst of laughter as his eyes danced like leprechauns.

In the early years of our marriage he was quite the romantic, showering me with red roses every Feb. 14.

As our marriage progressed, my appetite for flowers whose price quadruples this time of year waned.

It is either my penchant for being thrifty or the sluggish economy, but it pains me to spend money on something so short-lived and costly. There were other more practical things needed for the family.

I took the present from his hand and placed it on the table.

It was the size of a small wana (sea urchin) and wrapped in red cellophane with a satin ribbon. Two red-colored cupids accented the top corners of the label.

Written across the front was a preprinted message: Happy Valentine's. Crossed off in ink pen was the name of the parking firm that manages his downtown building. Substituted in his own familiar scrawl: "to Ka'ohua."

"Oh my gosh," I giggled. "Another recycled Valentine's gift!"

Two years ago on Valentine's, I received a red rose from him.

The stem had been wired to prevent the bud's head from drooping.

The ends of the petals were turning a purplish almost blackish hue and the base of the stem was crying out for the little plastic vial of water most flower shops provide, free of charge.

I remember his handing it to me as he gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Whom did you get this one from?" I asked. "Your secretary?"

"Oh no, honey," he grinned. "I took great pains to find something very special for you on this Valentine's Day."

I'm sure most of you are probably thinking what kind of guy would do this to his wife i especially on the one day of the year designated for lovers?

I assure you that the roses and candies are immaterial to me.

It is the love we share the other 364 days of the year that counts.

As my favorite Hawaiian scholar, Mary Kawena Pukui, wrote, "You will find real love in Hawaiians' lives. Not in their legends and chants. They were ordinary couples who farmed their land together, nursed each other when they were sick, prepared the mate for burial when he died. They knew about 'til death do us part,' but not because of kauoha, a command or a law (but) because of what they truly felt."

So when I finally unveiled the present hidden in the red cellophane wrap, I chuckled.

The recycled tin of strawberry fraise-flavored "Lips" candy was the perfect gift from my perfect Valentine.

Ka'ohua Lucas has an 18-year-old daughter and two sons, 11 and 7. She holds a master's degree in education curriculum and instruction, and works as an educational consultant on Hawaiian curriculum. Reach her at: Family Matters, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.