Posted on: Sunday, January 6, 2002

Assertiveness integral to future

Advertiser News Service

Some people think that to be assertive is to be aggressive. It's not. It's to be able to express your needs without trampling on the needs of somebody else.

Legions of men, women and children of all backgrounds and ages can't, or won't, ask for directions, return items to a store or call a customer service line, even anonymously. They fear the mere thought of speaking up. Experts say this fear can have serious, debilitating implications throughout a person's life. But the fear can be conquered, particularly if the person begins learning how to be assertive at a young age.

"Public speaking, the ability to speak up, is life," said Alan Friedenberg, the principal at Grant Elementary School in Santa Monica, Calif. "It's the job interview, or asking for a date, or wanting to borrow the car. You must sell yourself to people in life. Why not start at 5 or 6 to build on it?"

Friedenberg has created a storytelling celebration for third-graders at his school. He tells students to practice their speeches with just a friend or two at first to get over the fear. "I've never had a child who couldn't do it by the end of the year," he said.

Many people don't realize that children may need assertiveness training,' said Manuel J. Smith, whose 1975 best seller, "When I Say No I Feel Guilty," is still taught in schools in many states and at least 50 school districts in California. "The ability to speak up has to start at 8 or 9. It can't start at 18," and the skills must be learned so that by the time the child is grown, assertiveness comes easily.