Don't become a frantic parent

By Samantha Critchell
Associated Press

Do less.

Those two very simple words are the key to having a more rewarding relationship with your child, according to Jessica Teich, co-author of "Trees Make the Best Mobiles" (St. Martin's Press).

A side effect will likely be a more contented life, she says.

"Infants and many teenagers live in the 'now' and they beckon us to join them," says Teich. "But as new parents, we're frustrated by not being able to check things off our list at the end of the day and we're thinking about tomorrow."

She adds, "I'm one of those — or was one of those — multitaskers."

Teich, a Los Angeles-based journalist and filmmaker, and her co-author Brandel France de Bravo, a poet and health educator who now lives in Washington, are first and foremost moms, they say. They met a few years ago while attending Resources for Infant Educarers classes.

They, like other RIE students, share a desire to be "present parents" who are really there for their kids when the kids need them, Teich says.

She is quick to note, however, that being a parent who responds to a child's true needs does not mean being with that child every moment of the day and giving in to his or her every whim — and even when parent and child are together, they don't need to be interacting continuously. Babies and even older children need time to explore their own world, she says.

The philosophy behind RIE's methodology is to produce infants who are competent, confident, curious, attentive, exploring, cooperative, secure, peaceful, focused, self-initiating, resourceful, involved, cheerful, aware, interested and inner-directed, according to the nonprofit organization's Web site. Those traits will then stay with children throughout their lives, notes Teich.

As the title of her book suggests, Teich urges parents to allow their kids to enjoy the world around them. The chapters in the book are short — the authors have been exhausted new mothers, too — and they cover topics such as toys for the kids, parents learning to listen and milestones shared by both generations.

(Teich's 4-month-old baby really does have her crib positioned near a window so she can see the tree outside and its leaves swaying in the breeze.)

"Down time is golden time" but 21st century life usually doesn't allow for it, Teich says, since constant stimulation is the norm. "We're putting flash cards in the crib and shuttling older kids from tae kwon do classes to pottery lessons."

Young children are happy just "being," whether it's a quiet moment alone in the crib, watching her mother perform a routine task such as vacuuming, or stirring her pretend soup alongside her mother stirring supper, observes Teich, who also has a 5 1/2-year-old daughter. It's the parents who struggle to come up with activities.

"You're enough. Period. That goes for infants to kids up to 11 to 12, even if they also are involved with friends and school ... but that might make some parents self conscious," she says.

But just as a mother delights in watching her baby make new faces and noises, the same is true for a baby watching her mother, says Teich, because to an infant it's all new.

Teich has the luxury of spending most days working at home but says it's not the amount of time spent together that's important. Making an investment in how you spend that time is.

"The only thing that really pays back is a good relationship with your kids," Teich says.

On the Web
Resources for Infant Educarers: rie.org