Office romances hold potential as well as pitfalls

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer
and Susan Guyett
Indianapolis Star

Heather and Leon Kelly met while working at the Oral Health Research Center in Indianapolis. They married in 2000. Gannett News Service

Good, now editor at the University of Hawai'i Institute for Astronomy, was dating astronomer Jim Heasley in the late 1980s. One morning when they pulled up together in the parking lot where coworkers could see, Good figured the secret was out.

Good and Heasley, friends for six years, were married by the next spring. Now, nearly 15 years later, the Kailua couple can look back and laugh.

"We still work together. And we're still married," Good said. "Small miracle."

For a lot of people, work is a great place to find romance, according to a recent survey conducted by MSNBC.com and Elle magazine.

Of the more than 30,000 people who responded, a whopping 62 percent admitted being involved in an office romance, with nearly one in 10 acknowledging four or more entanglements.

The response doesn't surprise experts.

"If you are spending the greater part of your day at work, then the people you meet are either people at work or friends of people you meet at work," says Robert Billingham, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Indiana. "Work becomes the area in which you look for a partner."

Sure, office romance can lead to disaster, "or you can get married," said Teresa Tongson, of Pearl City, who married coworker Jon Tongson in February.

They are in different departments in the lab at Castle Medical Center, but that's where the longtime friends fell in love.

The biggest benefit of dating someone you work with is that you really get to know them first, Teresa Tongson said.

"And you never know," she said. "You might be The One."

The happy endings are great, but no one needs a survey to tell them that other workplace relationships can end with a thud, or even a whimper.

The workplace is fertile ground for dating, agrees Stephen Hunsdley, a professor of organizational leadership and supervision at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis, but it can be risky territory.

"It's a good venue, but you have to exercise a lot of caution," he says.

According to the survey, one in five people who had an office breakup said there was at least one serious consequence. For 11 percent, at least one person left the company or asked for a transfer. And 3 percent got fired.

Other consequences are less dramatic. About 37 percent of the survey respondents reported short-term "discomfort" after a breakup.

Ingrid Cummings looks back now and laughs about breaking into tears as a young TV news anchor in another city. A tempestuous affair with her co-anchor toppled when the office grapevine started reporting on his relationship with another on-air reporter.

The emotional meltdown took place at the start of the 6 p.m. news one day when Cummings broke into tears on camera.

What she calls a "mascara fest" was the culmination of all kinds of turmoil related to the affair and the working relationship.

In time, he moved to sports, Cummings says, and she stayed in news. Today they're good friends who can chuckle over the drama.

Cummings, who now owns her own company, RUBICON Communications LLC, says she thinks people from the same workplace can date if the chemistry seems right. "I think finding a compatible person is like a miracle."

Plenty of the people — 42 percent — said they were already married or in a relationship when the office affair took place.

Having the office be the next-best thing to a singles bar isn't likely to change, Billingham says. As Americans postpone marriage to a later age (the average age is 26 for men, 23 for women), the pool of potential romantic partners moves from the classroom to the workplace.

Decisions of the heart made at work affect career paths and issues of supervision and can create a conflict of interest. A bad breakup can damage the work environment, not to mention break hearts.

Although no one can predict when Cupid will strike, co-workers may want to think first before getting involved romantically. Do you want to sit in the cubicle next to your ex if the relationship sours?

Nearly all the folks answering the unscientific survey who had office romances — 82 percent — tried to keep the relationships a secret, with 15 percent saying it was because of company policy.

Few companies have strict rules against co-workers dating, the experts say. But even if there is not a policy, Hunsdley says, a person's job may be affected.

"If there's a performance issue, disciplinary actions may have to be taken," he says.

Dating an office superior is still common for women. The survey showed half of the women who had an office romance had an affair with a superior, 28 percent with their boss. Only 20 percent of the men dated women who outranked them.

Women still face a double standard when it comes to paying a higher price for hanky panky at work. The survey numbers, while lower today than years ago, show that 46 percent of women and 42 percent of men thought women have no right to complain if she breaks off the relationship and he continues pursuing her.

Forty-one percent of respondents said women on a fast track are the subject of gossip that sex had something to do with their advancement. Four in 10 said they believe the rumors to be true, much to MSNBC.com executive health editor Charlene Laino's dismay.

"I hoped or would have thought the number would have been less," Laino says.

Hiding an honest and sincere relationship can fuel workplace rumors about job advancement, Billingham says.

"Make sure there's an understanding that this is a relationship you value," he says. "Ask what you should to do protect the company and to protect yourself from accusations and rumors."

His advice when it comes to getting involved with a married co-worker?

Don't.