When it actually IS about me, things can get surreal

By Wayne Harada
Advertiser Entertainment Writer

Loretta Ables Sayre plays Pua Lusa, who desperately wants to be mentioned in a Show Biz column, and Ray Bumatai plays her husband in "You Somebody." Eugene Tanner • The Honolulu Advertiser

"You Somebody," you see, is about a mythical fan who craves seeing her name in my Show Biz column. She maintains a Book of Wayne, listing everyone who's made it into the column, and she herself would do nearly herself to be added to the list.

It's somewhat surreal to sit through a musical which is about you, even if you don't actually appear in it.

So what's the verdict?

I loved it. I laughed plenty.

It was humbling and flattering to think that mainstage fodder could be made out of what I do day in and out. It was somewhat sobering, and slightly embarrassing, to realize that there are people out there reading and wondering, and hoping to see their name in boldface print on these pages.

I have been immortalized in song.

I'm the butt of jokes.

Talked about. Laughed about.

Sometimes liked. Sometimes loathed.

But hey, it's my life. I think. Even if I don't physically appear on the stage. For that, ticket buyers should feel lucky, because I don't act, sing or dance.

When Cataluna, a colleague at The Advertiser, first told me she was writing a show about a wahine named Pua Lusa who would do any embarrassing thing to get into my column, I was amazed and mortified. Dubious, too, because I wondered how anyone could make an evening's worth of entertainment about something so mundane.

But at the performance, hearing the laughter and watching the actors playing people aching for recognition and hungry for fame, I was honored.

The playwright could have been brutal or vicious; poetic license enables an author to take liberties. But Cataluna is not like that.

Since I was never shown the script, nor interviewed about how and why names appear in my column, I was a little queasy about the portrayal. Not that Cataluna needed my seal of approval.

I think she was a little nervous, too, about getting into turf that might be too close to home. I was in the row behind her at the performance. She seemed to be sitting tall at the beginning of the play, occasionally shooting a glance my way to observe my reaction. As the play progressed, she started shrinking into her seat.

But Cataluna is a smart puppy. She drops more names in 2 1/2 hours than I list in one column. She has an incredible radar for local ways, local folks, local talk. Sure, some of her characters are caricatures, but you'll find modest representations in real life. Your muddah. Your auntie. Your cousin.

And Beamer, in his first venture at writing songs for a musical, demonstrates heart and wit.

Loretta Ables Sayre (as Pua Lusa) and Ray Bumatai (as her husband) tipped me off that I was all over the script, without being specific. I now know what they meant. Admittedly, it's a little uncomfortable to hear your name spoken and sung with such abandon, with such frequency, with such gusto.

I'll leave critical judgment of the production to another colleague, Joseph T. Rozmiarek, The Advertiser's drama critic. But I will say Cataluna and company have brought a skosh of glory to this humdrum soul.

And I also have been verbed. In "You Somebody," to find your name in a Show Biz column is to be Haradafied; the process, a Haradafication. And so on.

Could that mean I'm also a "somebody" now?

Reach Wayne Harada at wharada@honolululadvertiser.com, phone 525-8067 or fax 525-8055. His Show Biz column, the subject of "You Somebody," is published on Tuesdays and Thursdays.