By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

The setting: a busy all-night diner somewhere in Waikiki (probably Wailana, because they get that good French dip combo). In the smoking section.

The time: Late Saturday night, long after the dinner speeches at the Sheraton, when even the karaoke machine has gone cold.

The players: two longtime card-carrying members of the Hawai'i Democratic Party.

As our scene opens, a waitress brings a third plate of the all-you-can-eat pancake jamboree breakfast special (served 24 hours a day) and gives both cups of coffee a warm-up.

D1: So everybody saying we going come up with somebody else to run.

D2: Yup.

D1: So?

D2: So we gotta' come up with somebody else to run.

D1: What about Inouye?

D2: HE saying we gotta come up with somebody else to run.

D1: So then, Akaka.

D2: We need him in Washington.

D1: Why, he cannot work two jobs and commute from town? That's the local style.

D2: He's busy.

D1: What about Mufi? He not so busy anymore.

D2: He cannot Mazie himself like that. Bad style.

D1: Okay then. John Waihee.

D2: Everybody thinks he's the one in OHA.

D1: They'll just think he's working two jobs and commuting from town. That's the local style!

D2: Besides, some people might remember that budget deficit thing.

D1: What about Abercrombie?

D2: Gotta' cut his hair again.

D1: Earl Anzai?

D2: Gotta' grow his hair again.

D1: Kinda' superficial, eh?

D2: You seen Ed Case? Good-looking, that guy. The wife, too. That's what we're up against.

D1: But he's ours, right?

D2: What we need is a sure thing. A guaranteed win. A big name that everyone in Hawai'i knows and trusts.

D1: June Jones!

D2: We wish.

D1: I still get my June Jones for Governor T-shirt. Cayetano was passing them out.

D2: He was joking.

D1: Why, comfortable, the shirt. Hundred percent cotton. I hate it when campaign T-shirts get polyester.

D2: Look, we need someone with name recognition. We need someone who can handle the media and make good political speeches. We need someone who's not under investigation.

D1: I can give Linda a call.

D2: She's a Republican!

D1: So? Same like Andy. No matter. Just so long as we get behind the name that's gonna win. Once they in office, we can fix all the little details.

(The waitress returns, another plate of pancakes in hand. She leans across the table to pour more coffee.)

D1: Eh, lady. You doing anything this September?

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.