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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, June 13, 2002

Parents Without Partners offers support, friendship

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

Amy Minami, center, and Gerri Edmondson, right, shared a laugh at a Parents Without Partners potluck on Saturday. The nonprofit support group offers activities and more for parents who are divorced, unmarried or widowed.

Eugene Tanner • The Honolulu Advertiser

Get back in the game

Parents Without Partners is a nonprofit support organization for single parents and their children. The group is celebrating its 35th anniversary with a dance from 7 to 11 p.m. June 29 at Pier 7, next to the Falls of Clyde. It is $12 at the door.

For more information about the group and its social calendar, check out the Web site at http://go.to/pwp-hi or phone 262-7441.

— Advertiser staff

Nobody in Karen Masagatani's family ever got divorced.

"Except me," she said.

When she was the one to make it a first, support came in equal doses as topics unfit for discussion at the dinner table at family gatherings. Her loved ones were unfamiliar with the legal lingo and details of divorce.

Masagatani, 47, of Makiki, wanted to talk to people who knew what she was going through. And she wanted to meet people who would care about her kids. She kept seeing listings for a group called Parents Without Partners and finally summoned the courage to go to an activity.

Six years later, Masagatani married again, this time to the man who had sponsored that first volleyball game she had attended, the man who made her feel comfortable and ready to believe in love again.

As Parents Without Partners celebrates its 35th anniversary in Hawai'i with a big party June 29, Karen and Guy Masagatani have become unofficial champions of the group. They and couples like them are the reason the Parents Without Partners recently formed an alumni chapter, because so many people want to keep in touch even after they remarry.

Parents Without Partners has been around nationally since 1957. If demographics, are any indication, it should have a healthy future.

More than 43 percent of first marriages and about 55 percent of other marriages will end in divorce, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Census figures show there were almost 12 million single parents in the United States in 2000. And Hawai'i has seen nearly a 24 percent increase in divorced people in the last decade, from 70,532 in 1990 to 87,188 in 2000.

With odds like that, Linda Oki can cast a wide net as membership vice president for the Hawai'i chapter of Parents Without Partners.

But the Kaimuki mother of two also can give the group her personal recommendation. She divorced in 1989 and was relieved to join a group where she could connect with people who understood her problems.

"I can relate to parents better than people who have never married or had kids," she said. "It's easier to talk to people who have gone through the same thing. When I first got divorced, it was a lonely place."

Oki said she has become more social and that the group even helped her bond with her son, who helped with the newsletter last year.

The group has about 50 active members who pay $32 a year for the newsletter and a social calendar that ranges from beach parties and camping to parenting seminars and cooking classes.

"I found that as a single parent, people who knew you as a couple can be a little uncomfortable to be around once you're single," said Lynnette Uyesato, 51, of 'Aiea, who helps new members get oriented. "I was looking for people I could relate to. It gives me an outlet. It got me to a point where I'm a little more confident."

For people such as Allen Blackford, the group filled in some gaps in his life. When he divorced, he was looking for things to do with his daughter, who was 4 at the time.

When his ex-wife moved with their daughter to the Mainland, Blackford, 48, of Salt Lake, became a father figure for many of the children who came to the club's activities.

"Allen is like our Peter Pan of the group," said Amy Minami, another single parent. "The kids love him."

Blackford said the club has become his extended family.

And he has found it's not just for divorced parents. It's for anyone who is unmarried and is a parent. He met the woman he is dating, a widow, through the group.

It seems to be a place for blossoming romance. Even Karen Masagatani's daughter met a boy through the group. And Minami found love when she least expected it. She was 40 when she moved to Hawai'i to start a new life after a bad marriage. By the time her divorce was final in 1994, romance wasn't really on her radar. Her top priority was her son, Christopher.

"We came from the Mainland, and my son has mild cerebral palsy," she said. "We had a hard time fitting in."

She wanted to find a place where her son would feel comfortable as much as she wanted to find supportive friends for herself. So Minami, a hospital dietary clerk and food-service worker, joined the group.

She was glad to find it wasn't a club for bitter people lamenting singleness. It was for people who wanted to get back into the game. It got her out of the house. She even learned to line dance. And she met her boyfriend at one of the picnics.

Now on the verge of 50, Minami, of Nu'uanu, is a board member. Her 18-year-old son has close friends from the group. And Minami said she feels like she's giving something back.

So while she has no immediate plans to remarry, she's in a better place than she was before.

"I just got this really peaceful feeling," she said. "I'm content."