HAWAIIAN STYLE
Etiquette of the ashes adapts to Islands' changing times
Recent allegations of discrepancies in a Big Island mortuary's burial practices, coming on the heels of the discovery of hundreds of discarded bodies a Georgia crematory operator was paid to cremate, are adding yet one more wrinkle in the everievolving, intricate fabric of Hawai'i's local funeral traditions. In recent weeks, said Claus Hansen of Moanalua Mortuary, more people are choosing to witness the cremation of loved ones.
For that purpose, the mortuary has an enclosed, tastefully shoji-screen-decorated, windowed enclosure facing the crematorium. "Generally, pre-Georgia, this seldom came up," said Watanabe.
Those who did broach the question were delicately discouraged.
As with everything in the Islands, many traditions — from removing shoes at the door to eating rice as an everyday staple — explained funeral director Kyle Watanabe, were originally Japanese — and have transcended funereal ritual into daily life.
Originally, said Watanabe, local Japanese funereal traditions closely followed those in Japan. Following a service immediately after death and the ritualistic last washing of the body, the family would be found at the crematory. After cremation, the eldest son, said Watanabe, would pick, from the crematorium, one of the large bones, and pass that to the chopsticks of the next family member in line. That, he said, is why, island-style, "if you pass food at the table chopstick-to-chopstick, you get your hand slapped."
It is reminiscent of death.
"Lots (of my generation) don't know this," said Watanabe, 31.
Likewise, during the last washing, you always pour the water with the inside of the wrist facing upward. Therefore, especially with more knowledgeable older generations, you "NEVER pour a drink wrist up." You'll get scoldings, he said.
Even some plate-lunch etiquette has its origin in the funeral. "When someone dies, (Japanese) custom calls for the filling of (the deceased's) rice bowl," chopsticks inserted in the rice and placed in the family altar. That's why sticking idle chopsticks in your plate-lunch compartment of rice is a no-no.
In a break with ages-old tradition, cremation is often done before services today on O'ahu, whereas Neighbor Island and, surprisingly, Mainland Japanese mortuaries, adhering to tradition, do cremation following services, he said.
Modern funerals also often forgo koden, the now firmly established Island monetary offerings at services. "Den, offering (in Japanese); ko, incense," explained Watanabe. "Originally, the purpose of the offering of money at services was to buy incense."
Even this, locally, can get extreme: It's not uncommon for families to receive tens of thousands of dollars in koden.
Likewise, he said, long gone for the most part is the once-common publishing of the one-year memorial, hatsubon no kotowari, alongside newspaper obituaries, before the first o-bon following a loved one's death.
Nationwide, and particularly in Hawai'i, Watanabe said, cremation is increasingly chosen by non-Japanese, and the tendency rises with education levels. Overall, said Hansen, a little under 60 percent here now choose cremation. Among Japanese the figure is nearer 95 percent, said Watanabe.
For those who choose to view the process, Hansen notes, it takes about 90 minutes to "reduce the body"; with warm-up and cool-down, it's a three-hour process.
Recovery of the bones is tedious — making sure all the remains are delicately brushed out. With some Hawaiians, said Hansen, reverence for the iwi, the bones, calls for the process to stop there. More commonly, the bones are further reduced mechanically to ash.
The ashes are then placed in anything from treasured family heirlooms such as silver teapots, to elaborate or simple urns — even plastic — sold by Moanalua.
At the cremation this day, ashes were placed in a tapa bag and then inside a prized calabash, for scattering from canoe at sea. Another choice is an urn made of cornstarch, designed to "dissolve" four to eight minutes after being committed to the ocean.
