We're all lyricists; yeah-yeah

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

Think writing a song is hard? Well, writing a GOOD song is hard, but coming up with lyrics for a mediocre or even bad song is pretty easy. You just follow a template.

Go to your favorite Internet search engine and type "lyrics generator." An array of sites will pop up to help you compose lyrics from country to grunge.

For example, a site called "random country music lyrics generator" spat out this catchy verse:

"The blood test showed I'd warp her mind forever;

She said to me that birthdays made her cry;

But who'd have thought she'd wind up on 'The Gong Show';

I guess I was too smashed to say goodbye."

When you read it aloud, you almost hear the music in your head, yeah? Sounds kinda' like "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."

The boyband lyrics generator offers the best in teenage heartbreak. Here's a sample:

"I want you back

You're the only one I really need

You took the clouds away

I'm in love and it feels so right"

Apparently, boyband lyrics don't have to rhyme because each line ends with a yeah-yeah-yeah or a ooh-baby-ooh.

The Alanis Morissette lyrics generator is interactive.

You're asked to input one thing you really hate, six plural nouns that have something to do with that thing, your favorite color, favorite poet and the name of an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. After choosing one of three song titles, you are presented with a song so full of misery that you can almost hear Alanis herself wailing your pain.

"Like a jade rain, beating down on me;

Like a Keats line, which won't let go of my brain;

Like Adam's hand, it is in my head;

Blame it on television"

Sad to say, I can't find a Jawaiian or Island rhythm lyrics generator. Time for some enterprising Web designer to get cranking. I imagine the template would be something like:

Enter your favorite surf spot.

Enter your favorite food.

Enter your other favorite surf spot.

Enter your other favorite food.

Choose one of the following titles:

"Surf"

"Surf Boogie"

"Shaka Surf Boogie"

And with that, the results would be something along the order of:

I went down Bowls

den I ate one Zipmin

I cruised up Chun's

den I ate some fried rice

Surf!

Ooh-ooh-irie

Surf!

Then all you have to do is bite a reggae beat from Bob Marley or Peter Tosh, book an afternoon in your cousin's toolshed-turned-recording studio, and before you know it, your composition will be performed at every elementary school May Day celebration in the state.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 .