FAMILY MATTERS
'Queen of Aloha' instills valuable virtues
By Ka'ohua Lucas
"All right, boys," I warned. "We are going to run into the store and buy a few groceries. This should take no more than half an hour — tops!"
"Yeah, right, Mom," the 11-year-old said and shrugged.
I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't care, or if it was because he had been through this routine before and didn't believe a word I said.
"Yes, sir," my youngest said, saluting, ready to commandeer the shopping cart down the aisle.
I continued, with authority: "We are going to whip into the store, get what we need, and we are outta there."
No sooner had we strolled through the entrance than we bumped into a family friend and her son. I didn't want to appear rude, so I stopped to chat. After a few minutes, my boys reminded me that we were supposed to be in the store for "no more than half an hour — tops!"
So I came up with a different approach. "Why don't we do this?" I suggested.
My oldest boy rolled his eyes. He knew what was coming.
"You get the lettuce and the cucumbers," I said, pointing to the 11-year-old.
"And, you grab a loaf of bread and a block of yellow cheese," I said to the 8-year-old. "I'll meet you two near the milk section, OK?"
My youngest scampered off on his mission. The eldest trudged toward the produce aisle, mumbling something under his breath about "this happens all the time."
The tug I felt between getting the shopping done and talking with our friend made me think of a quote from the notable book, "The Polynesian Family System in Ka'u, Hawai'i," written by E.S. Craighill Handy and Mary Kawena Pukui: "Mu ka waha heahea 'ole" — "Silent is the mouth of the inhospitable one."
"Hospitality was not always wholly spontaneous, but was recognized and appreciated as a human and social virtue," wrote Handy and Pukui. "Friendliness and affection are a tonic and lubricant, which constitute two chief ingredients of the joyous temperament of our Hawaiian people. They keenly sensed the crippling effect of the opposite of aloha."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my oldest storming toward me. "Mom! I went to the milk section, and you weren't there."
"Wow, you're fast," I said, bidding my friend aloha and guiding my cart toward the dairy department.
"Why is it that you always have to chat everywhere we go?" my oldest said.
I explained that it is rude to ignore someone you know. Taking time to talk to a friend shows you care and reflects the true meaning of aloha.
He wasn't buying it.
As we neared the milk section, I bumped into a colleague. Naturally, I didn't want to appear rude. So I struck up a conversation.
At this point, both my boys were nudging me. I cut our conversation short, grabbed a few more items and stood in the check-out line.
It just so happened that the cashier was someone I had grown up with in Ka'a'awa. She talked about her son and the schools to which she's applying for him.
By the time we rolled our cart out of the store, night had fallen.
We loaded the groceries into our van and headed home.
"You know, Mom," the oldest boy said. "I agree that you should not ignore those you know. It is important to show your aloha spirit. But personally, I think you take it to the extreme."
I glanced at my watch. We had been in the store an hour and a half.
"Hey, buddy," I said. "You may think I'm the Queen of Aloha, but today you learned an important virtue."
"What's that?" he mumbled.
"Patience."
Ka'ohua Lucas has an 18-year-old daughter and two sons, 11 and 8. She holds a master's degree in education curriculum and instruction, and works as an educational consultant on Hawaiian curriculum. Write her at: Family Matters, 'Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; send e-mail to ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170.
