Posted on: Friday, May 10, 2002

Working women wrestle with kids, career balance

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

Sue Parry grew up as part of the feminist movement, unwilling to allow her college-educated self to be brainwashed into forsaking her career to rear a child.

But guilt nagged at her when she had her own children. Could she really do it all?

The Hawai'i Kai mother, now 51, with three sons in their teens and 20s, did go part-time as an occupational therapist so she could devote more time to her kids. Now that she's had time to reflect on her choices, she's trying to form a network in Hawai'i for other mothers who aren't satisfied with the way mothers are treated in the workplace.

"At the risk of sounding like Dr. Laura or some conservative traditional — I'm not like that — I think there is a place for women and careers, but something is not working," she said. "I don't want to say a mother's place is pregnant, barefoot in the kitchen, but I do think we need to look at what is best for ourselves and our children."

Parry's ideas about motherhood reflect a conservative backlash in this country that predates Sept. 11 and is being fed by the media, said S. Charusheela, an assistant professor of women's studies at the University of Hawai'i-Manoa.

Charusheela's problem with the way the media has been portraying "babies vs. career" issues in stories such as last month's cover of Time is that the focus is on fear — fear that women in the workplace can't juggle parenting successfully.

"It has the potential to blame feminism for something that is not feminism's fault," Charusheela said. "It blames careers, and it blames the women."

Parry sees the issue as the same broken record she has been playing since she had a 4-year-old and a new baby in 1984. That was when she clipped a commentary by journalist Ann Crittenden out of the Washington Post, arguing the feminist movement had unfinished business: While more women than ever were entering the job market, almost no cultural or institutional changes related to raising children had occurred.

Nearly 20 years later, Parry is focusing on starting a Mothers & More chapter in Hawai'i as part of a national organization that allows mothers to share insights. And Crittenden is touring the country speaking about her book that just came out in paperback, "The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued" (Owl/Metropolitan Books, $15).

Crittenden, a former New York Times reporter who had a baby when she was 44, said employers are offering more flexibility now than when she quit her job in 1982. But she felt compelled to write about the way the workforce cheats mothers economically. She has concluded that the women's movement needs a new wave to get policies changed that would give women the flexible hours and benefits offered in countries such as France and Sweden.

No matter how much women are looking for cultural examples or with nostalgia to seemingly simpler times, don't look for a surge of women quitting their jobs to stay home, said Jennifer Glass, a sociology professor at the University of Iowa, who has done extensive research on working mothers.

Single working mothers and working couples still make up at least 80 percent of the U.S. parent population, and stay-at-home moms have become a rarity, she said.

She finds it insulting to working moms to make it sound like the June Cleaver life is better — or realistic.

All of the women agree on this: Working mothers shouldn't be forced to make all-or-nothing choices between career and family. They say it will take sweeping policy changes, such as flexible hours and better medical benefits, before mothers will really get ahead.

Reach Tanya Bricking at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.