More grandparents raising kids

By Christie Wilson
Neighbor Island Editor

Children are being raised by their grandparents in 9 percent of Hawai'i households with youngsters under age 18, according to the 2000 census.

These households were pinpointed in a census for the first time, so there is no comparison with previous data.

But officials from three groups that help grandparents cope with raising their grandchildren said their numbers are increasing, and that Hawai'i is near the top of the list in share of households headed by grandparents.

The 2000 census reports that grandparents are responsible for their grandchildren in 14,029 households in the state — out of a total of 153,000 Hawai'i households with children under age 18.

There are 10,302 households on O'ahu in which grandparents are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren; on the Big Island, 1,546 households; in Maui County, 1,421; and on Kaua'i, 760.

Many of these households are a result of tragic circumstances: death, serious illness, divorce or parents who abuse drugs or alcohol.

Donn and Phyllis Dade of Mililani have been raising two grandsons, ages 18 and 11, for nine years.

The couple is no longer in contact with their daughter, said Phyllis Dade, and now have legal guardianship of the two boys.

It's not what she planned to be doing at age 60, but "we were raised to be responsible," Phyllis Dade said. "I would rather have them with us than on the street.

More and more grandparents are showing up for monthly Na Tutu support group meetings, said chairperson Jackie Chong. Many hope the situation is temporary, until their own children sort out their difficulties, she said.

"They don't want to go to court (seeking permanent custody) and say, 'My kid is a druggie.' They just want to take care of their grandchildren," Chong said.

Greg Marchildon, state director for AARP in Hawai'i, said blaming drug abuse alone is too simplistic. In many cases, grandparents have taken over parenting duties for teenagers and other young single parents who are in high school, college or job training.

"Grandparents can step in and become the primary caregivers. Without this grandparent safety net, these children would end up being wards of the state, and that's a much less attractive option," Marchildon said.

The responsibility can be immense, particularly for retirees on a fixed income. "They already are struggling to make ends meet, and now there's another mouth to feed, more gas for the car, diapers to buy," he said. "This is an economic area we have to pay more attention to, and it's happening across the country."

Bernadette "Bernie" Baker, a social worker with the Queen Lili'uokalani Children's Center, said grandparents also are finding themselves unprepared to deal with behavioral challenges that grandchildren might present. Times have changed drastically from when they brought up their own children, and parenting methods that may have worked decades ago might no longer be effective, she said.

In addition, grandparents may be beset by legal issues. Chong said the traditional Hawaiian hanai system of informal adoption is no longer feasible, because grandparents who lack legal guardianship may have trouble getting medical care for their grandchildren or enrolling them in school.

Na Tutu has lobbied the Legislature unsuccessfully to grant grandparents limited legal rights in the absence of parents.

Marchildon agrees that grandparents who are raising grandchildren need more support and understanding from policy makers and the public.

At some point, he said, the state may have to consider providing compensation and resources, just as it does to caregivers in the foster-care system.