By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

So the city government is spending $2 million to stick GPS trackers on 106 Department of Parks and Recreation vehicles. The "bugs" will pick up satellite signals and zap them to monitoring stations. That way, Parks and Rec managers will be able to tell exactly where the trucks are. Apparently, a standard radio call like, "Eh, Unit 2, where you folks right now?" doesn't cut it, at least according to city Managing Director Ben Lee.

Not that anyone is accusing Parks and Rec workers of parking in the shade and sleeping in the trucks.

Not that anyone is saying maybe they might use the trucks to help their friends move house on the weekend.

Ben Lee says there are no serious allegations like that and, besides, the trackers are not about spying; it's more a matter of efficiency, of knowing who's closest when a maintenance crew has to be sent out. You know, for emergency stuff. Like when one of those sprinkler heads breaks off and there's water on the sidewalk.

Right.

Parks Director Bill Balfour says it wasn't his idea. City Council Budget Committee Chairwoman Ann Kobayashi says there has to be a better use for this money.

And she's right.

So how about this? How about we hang a few GPS trackers at Honolulu Hale.

We could have saved Rene Mansho a lot of grief if we had tacked a satellite monitor onto her mu'umu'u and pulled her back every time she started to do campaign business on city time.

GPS trackers could have prevented the whole 'Ewa Villages scandal. We would have known that nobody moved anywhere.

While we're at it, how about a few electronic monitors on city liquor inspectors?

And come to think of it, a GPS tracker would be pretty darn helpful in locating Jeremy Harris these days. The mayor has just about gone missing. Where has he been with all the wrangling over the city budget? Where has he been since the court ruling that said he doesn't yet have to resign to run? Where is his campaign

Web site? Why is he deflecting all comments about the indictment of eight city liquor inspectors to Ben Lee?

This is a man who always had something to say about everything. He is suddenly lying uncharacteristically low, surfacing only to sign benign proclamations and dedicate playgrounds and the like.

For a guy who likes to take credit for all of the good things that happen under his watch, he sure clams up when something goes wrong. For a guy who loves public appearances, he has been conspicuously inconspicuous of late. He's our employee. Let's track him down.

However, there is inherent trouble with using something like a satellite tracker to locate somebody who doesn't want to be found. Like my dad always says, locks are made for honest people.

If there indeed are city park workers sleeping in their cars, GPS trackers aren't going to stop them. They can just park the trucks and sleep in the bushes. Or park the tracker in the bushes and sleep in the truck. Whatever.

And if Harris suddenly has lost his appetite for the spotlight, just knowing where he is won't make him fulfill his duties as mayor of the City & County of Honolulu.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.