Essential parental guidelines for children and the Internet

By Karen Thomas
USA Today

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Online resources Go Ask Alice: www.goaskalice.com. Provides information on teen sexuality, emotional health and substance use from Columbia University TeenWire: www.teenwire.com. Provides information from Planned Parenthood Dr. Drew Pinsky's Web site: www.drdrew.com. Provides slick talk on teen sex from the popular radio host Safeteens.com: www.safeteens.com. Teens can read up on protecting their privacy and avoiding risks.

Parental supervision is still of primary importance, a report commissioned by Congress concluded recently. While the comprehensive report, "Youth, Pornography, and the Internet," may spark more efficient Web browsing filters and better laws to help parents keep pornography away from children, it clearly stated there must be a "recognition by parents that they have to become more involved with their charges," said former U.S. Attorney General Dick Thornburgh, who heads the National Research Council panel that wrote the report.

The bottom line when it comes to kids on the Net: the possible danger of interacting one on one with strangers is a far greater threat than the potential harm of viewing X-rated images.

And while science is inconclusive on whether viewing pornography harms children, "as parents, we know this is disturbing, upsetting and distasteful. It's not a world we want our children in," said panel member Robin Raskin, former editor of FamilyPC magazine and a contributing writer to the Gannett News Service technology section.

Porn may be an issue parents can wrap their arms around, but they must talk about the rest of the Web, too, experts said. Online issues are much too nuanced and complex to be tamed by edicts such as "Don't talk to strangers."

Here are some tips on taking an active role in keeping kids safe from online porn and predators, culled from the report and the advice of experts.

Ages 7 to 9

As a general rule, children younger than 10 don't have the skills needed to navigate the Internet alone. Search strategies are limited and typing skills are undeveloped, so contact with offensive Net material is rare. But "this is the age to lay groundwork for safe surfing through the teen years, and it is critical to explain what the dangers are, and why," said Catherine Parsons of the Internet Education Foundation, a nonprofit public education organization. She advises parents to surf with their kids, exploring chat rooms and Web sites together.

Stick to strict rules, Raskin advised: Never give out personal information, never meet anyone in person. Using online "buddy lists" and e-mail blocking systems, limit the list of kids' online contacts to family and friends and keep the computer in a shared room, she said. Recommended resources: Safekids.com, with safety quizzes and parent tips; SurfswellIsland.com, the site for Disney Online's Net safety games for kids as young as 6.

Ages 10 to 12

Risks of accidentally finding sexually explicit material are greatest for pre-adolescents, according to the report. They're old enough to explore the Net unsupervised, but young enough that they have not been exposed to many sexual stimuli.

First rule: Don't freak out, Parsons said. Consider filtering software, keeping in mind that the programs aren't perfect and often underblock some materials while overblocking others, Raskin said. This is when kids start experimenting with instant messages and online chat, and new online friends will pop up on their buddy lists.

"Teach them to leave a chat room that gets out of hand with people being mean and provocative," Raskin said. "Look at a child's buddy list and ask 'Who are these people?' If there are screen names such as Sexdevil or Killer, you might want to say you don't approve of people using inflammatory names."

Many schools introduce "acceptable use" policies for kids around fifth grade. Create one for home use, too, that clearly spells out the rules: No instant messaging until after homework is done; time limits; consequences for breaking the rules. Online resources: The NetSmartz Workshop (www.netsmartz.org), with state-of-the-art games promoting safety, from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children; GetNetWise (www.getnetwise.org), an informational site for parents from the Internet Education Foundation.

Ages 13 to 15

TV viewing decreases at this age, with use of other media, including the Internet, increasing. Hormones are raging, but very few kids — less than 10 percent, according to the report — are seeking out the Web's X-rated material.

The primary issue in this age group: online bullying. Most harassment and sexual solicitation involves kids over 14, and many studies find that very few kids are worried or threatened by it. This type of harassment can range from youngsters asking schoolmates their bra size to personal Web pages devoted to voting on the school slut. But mostly, it's about other kids being mean.

"Explain that people are likely to say hurtful things online they wouldn't say in the real world, and you don't want them to be part of it," Raskin said.

Another deterrent to kids prone to using vulgar language and sexual innuendo online: Explain to them that nothing they say with friends online is private; it can be copied and passed around in a second. And in today's litigious climate, using defamatory language online, even in jest, is a legal problem.

Don't be duped into thinking peer-to-peer networking is just a music-swapping thing for kids, Parsons said. "It exposes kids to about 12 million more kinds of information than just what's on the Internet."

Kids share games, pictures, video and sound files, and can easily find thousands of pornographic images and videos. Check the computer's hard drive for JPEG, GIF and other types of image files, Raskin said. She added that this is also the perfect age to map out a parenting strategy: What will you do if you find pornography?

This is also the age kids must carefully watch their online conversations and know that people asking for and sharing too much personal information should be their cue to leave.

Teach kids about common tactics used by online pedophiles, Raskin said. Key predatory phrases: "I'm all alone. My parents don't pay attention to me. Teachers hate me." Pedophiles pretend to be a kid and say this to arouse your kid's sympathy and attract kids who feel similarly alone. This is the age where families should have a plan to report online problems, such as bullying and predatory behavior, to authorities. Online resource: Cybertipline.com, to report cybercrimes directly to the Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

Ages 16 to 18

By this time, many middle-income families have provided a computer for their teens; kids in this age group depend on the Net for research, for school, jobs, college, their future. Some may be sexually active, and even if they're not, they may be searching independently for online material about sexuality. "A byproduct of seeing porn is poor self-esteem when sexuality is so delicate," Raskin said.

From porn, older teens get "weird ideas of body image and the way that you treat women." Guiding teens to the Web's antithesis to porn — sound sexuality information on birth control, abstinence and other subjects — is "critical," she said, because teens don't often turn to friends, parents or teachers for advice.

Media literacy, too, becomes more important because advertisers and pornographers are targeting almost-adults. "Porn (sites) want eyeballs ... they don't really care who comes to look, as long as it's eyeballs," Raskin said. Teens need to understand that and learn to religiously delete porn when solicitations land in e-mail boxes.