THE LEFT LANE
Dishing it out

Advertiser Staff and News Services

CEDRIC

Fans of Cafeteria Lady love her "ain't no more" response whenever someone in the cafeteria line asks for a food item, and the way she wields her wooden spoon like a weapon as she hurls threats.

During a recent taping of a Thanksgiving-themed "Cafeteria Lady" skit, Cedric tried out a number of the character's trademark quick quips. Here are some gut-busting lines viewers are likely to enjoy:

• "I'm like a stingy man with a sweet potato. I don't give a yam."
• "I'm Johnny Mathis in a clown suit. Chances are, I'll slap you silly."
• "I'm like your grandmother's gravy. I'll make you lumpy."

And here are some likely rejects:

• "I'm a kangaroo in an ashtray. I'll kick your butt."
• "I'm a Valley girl with an attitude. I'll gag you with a spoon."
• "I'm Mike Tyson fighting a turkey. I'll beat the stuffing out of you."

A potent pairing

Two of the most powerful bands of the 1990s — Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden — are no more, but Soundgarden lead singer Chris Cornell and Rage guitarist Tom Morello, bassist Tim Commerford and drummer Brad Wilk have joined up to created Audioslave, whose self-titled CD, out this week, earns high praise from Los Angeles Times' critic Robert Hilburn.

"For anyone coming to this super-pairing as a Rage fan, the music is likely to be jarring — especially for those who favored Rage more for the political fury of singer Zack de la Rocha than for the three instrumentalists' sonic assault," Hilburn wrote. But "former Soundgarden frontman Cornell doesn't try to adopt De la Rocha's focus on rapping and social commentary. He continues to write passionately about overcoming deeply rooted insecurities and doubts.

"His new partners seem eager to explore wider musical dimensions with him, which is good because the relentless, fist-in-your-face assault of Rage's old rap-rock approach needed to be expanded."

'Bachelor' wraps up

AARON BUERGE

ABC showed some signs of life last week, thanks in large part to a bachelor-trashing session on "The Bachelor," which proved to be its most popular show. An audience of 16.7 million people watched women who had been rejected by bachelor Aaron Buerge get the chance to strike back.

For the struggling network, it was the biggest weekday audience of the season, even though it still finished third behind NBC and CBS.