Family Matters: Daughter has run-in with family Rule No. 1

By Michael DeMattos

I can still see my 5-year-old daughter's face in the rear-view mirror, a portrait in shock and bewilderment. I know the look well, for it has graced my face on any number of occasions.

It usually starts innocently enough, with a simple question or comment about whose responsibility it is to do something or other. Then after a giant sucking sound, all hell breaks loose.

This time was no different from any other, except that it — thankfully — didn't involve me. It actually started with a simple question levied by my daughter.

"Mom, do you have my water cup?"

"No, I don't see it. Check the holder next to your seat," Mommy responded.

"I think you forgot it," my daughter answered.

Unblinking, Mom gazed into the visor cosmetic mirror and made eye contact with my daughter in the back seat. In a deceivingly soft voice she said, "You forgot your water cup."

A shiver ran up my spine. I adjusted the mirror and tried to get my daughter's attention. I needed to tell her to let this one go. No more comments, no more questions, just a simple, "Yes, Mommy," and this may all go away.

My daughter, teetering over the chasm of lost arguments, stated, "It's your job to remember my water cup." In a flash, Mom reeled around and, leaning over the left edge of her seat, informed my daughter that she was a big girl now and could remember her own water cup.

This was quickly followed by a lengthy list of responsibilities that Mom carried out regularly for the greater good of the family. She even did some things out of the kindness of her heart.

Slowly, so as not to draw undue attention my way, I adjusted my mirror and focused on the road in front of me. There was nothing more I could do.

My daughter broke Rule No. 1 of family life in the DeMattos household: "Never engage Mom in a debate over responsibility."

She also, through plain ol' dumb luck, got caught by Rule No. 2, which is to "Never enter a discussion or dialogue about who does more in the household."

My daughter had blindly entered the forbidden realm and would have to find her own way out. Still, I smiled to myself. It took me years to learn these two simple rules, and my daughter would have to learn them also. But with my tutelage, she would shave years off the learning curve of family life.