'Christmas Talk Story' returns to the stage

Honolulu Theatre for Youth actors BullDog, Nara Springer Cardenas and Cynthia See clown around in preparation for "Christmas Talk Story," starting Saturday. Brad Goda 'Christmas Talk Story' Seventeen original holiday tales in storytelling format in two acts, suitable for 6 and up. Also: Music, special guest stars. Presented by Hawaii Theatre for Youth and Kumu Kahua Theatre Tenney Theatre, St. Andrew's Cathedral 2 and 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 7, 14, 21; 8 p.m. Dec. 6, 13 and 20 Tickets: $8 children, $12, students, $16 adults 839-9885

Here, to give a flavor of what's in store Saturday-Dec. 21, is "Hanuchriskwanzobon," by Yokanaan Kearns.

Kearns is an award-winning playwright whose "Pidg Latin" went on the road to Hawai'i middle and high schools in 2001 and was staged at Kumu Kahua Theatre. It won the Hawai'i Prize in the Kumu Kahua/University of Hawai'i Playwriting Contest and received an AT&T: Onstage grant.

This unusually titled piece is Kearns' second contribution to Christmas Talk Story; his 8-year-old son, Zeke, wields veto power over his dad's story titles.

Hanuchriskwanzobon

By Yokanaan Kearns
Special to The Advertiser

You eva get da wind knock out of you?

Scary, yeah? No matta how much you try go inhale, feel like your lungs stay broken, like you going die staring up at da jungo gym bar five feet above you where you was dangling until one of da gang tole you someting shocking about Christmas.

Get five guys in da gang. All of us get one ting in common: everybody is one foreigna.

Moyshe Grossman is from Israel. He remind me of dat big Hawaiian singa wit da high voice, so I wen give him da name Bruddah Iz.

Gong-Wah Chong was born in Hong Kong. Gong-Wah sound a lot like "Kona," so now everybody call him Kona.

Hiroyuki Nakatani came from Japan couple months ago. At firss we called him Yuki, but since already had one Kona, I figga Hilo mo betta.

Mandela Jackson useted to live someplace call New Jersey. I tink dass in Africa, cuz he said his mahda wen name him afta one famous old African guy. You know how shtrong dat kid? Shtrong enough fo push da whole gang on da swing: so now we call him Maui.

Brudda Iz, Kona, Hilo, and Maui. Da Fresh-off-da-boat Boys. Oh, plus too get me: Kapo'eloku Lagundimau. Some kids jess call me Cap fo short, but da gang tink Kapo'eloku sound like da word Captain, so dey wen make me da leada and da gang's offisho translata.

I can undastand how people talk ova hea, dass why, even dough I'm one foreigna too. You see, I'm from Moloka'i.

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'Christmas Talk Story' facts HTY has partnered with Kumu Kahua Theatre for the production this year, which features music and surprise guests for the first time. It's a natural pairing: both theaters showcase the work of local and Pacific writers, and many playwrights, writers, actors and others involved in the production have worked for both houses. As in years past, Honolulu Theatre for Youth commissioned the original stories. The authors: Diane Aoki, Margaret Jones, Jason Kanda, Yokanaan Kearns, Gary Pak, Dot Saurer, Susan Lee St. John, Gary Tachiyama, Lee Tonouchi, Y York, Daryl Bonilla, Rochelle delaCruz, Kathryn Heath, Darrell Lum, David Ray Mulinex, Robert St. John and Shay Youngblood. Their words will be brought to life by HTY cast members Nara Springer Cardenas, BullDog and Cynthia See. Also on stage, setting the scene in music, will be guitarist and musical director Darin Au, bassist John Kearns, and drummer Harry Wong III (also Kumu Kahua creative director). HTY's director Mark Lutwak will play accordion and keyboards.

Okay, now diss da time when I heard da shocking ting about Christmas. Hilo tell us: "My fameeree Kurisumasu purezento no habu." No worry, I go translate fo you folks: Hilo was trying fo say, "My family no get presents Christmas time."

SLIP! BOOM! OOF! I was on da ground and I neva even had nuff air for say auwe.

"Suck da air, Captain," Kona stay shouting. "Suck da air!" (I tink dass how you say "inhale" in Hong Kong.)

GASP! Eh! My lungs not broken! I not going die befo I learn da troot about Hilo's Christmas presents.

"Whachoo mean, Hilo," I manage to say, "you no get presents Christmas time?"

He ansa: "My fameeree Buddhist."

You see, because Hilo is Buddhist fo his religion, he not going get Christmas presents. Ho, I neva heard anyting like dat before.

Suddenly I like know if anybody else in da gang get one no-Christmas-Presents religion.

Me, da Captain. Religion: Catlic. Presents? Choke.

Kona Chong. Prezbateerian. Planny presents, if he's one good boy.

Maui Jackson. Baptiss. Presents fo Christmas and Kwanzaa, one African kine holiday.

Brudda Iz Grossman. Jewish. Some presents, but Israel folks call Christmas Hanukkah.

Poor Hilo! Since I'm da Captain, already I stay formulating one plan so Hilo can have one holiday jess like everybody else.

My mahda let me buy one small plastic baby Jesus statue at Kmart. Brudda Iz said his family had one extra menorah, one holda fo nine candles. Kona's popo had planny poinsettia plants. And Maui made one mat out of chopstick wrappas. He said diss da mkeka, da place fo put da holiday food li'dat.

You see, had someting from everybody. We wen make one holiday fo Hilo.

At firss we was going call um "Hiloday," but I had one betta idea. Little bit Hanukkah, little bit Christmas, little bit Kwanzaa, and someting fo make um sound little bit Japanese. Hanuchriskwanzobon!

Now, da day befo Christmas, we stay ringing da doorbell at Hilo's apahtment. Da door opens. Hilo's gramma tell us, "Hiroyuki not home," she tell. "Went Dizunirando. Ebari Desemba, go Dizunirando."

Every Decemba, Hilo's family goes to Disneyland. No wonda da bugga wasn't sad. Us guys had Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Hilo had Disneyland.

Kona look at me. "Suck da air!" he shouted. "Suck da air!"