 |
By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist
In the spirit of the holidays, we pause before the bountiful sports menu and count our blessings.
On this most appropriate of days, hoist a drumstick today and give a hearty thanks that:
• You're not the official team bailbondsman of the Portland Trail Blazers.
• Your name isn't next up on Warren Sapp's hit list.
• Al-Qaida hasn't come into possession of the Rally Monkey.
• Dusty Baker didn't take his kid to the Indy 500, too.
• Cincinnati isn't on any more University of Hawai'i football schedules.
• Texas A&M isn't coveting UH's head coach.
• You don't have to personally explain to George Steinbrenner what went wrong this season.
• You don't have to sit next to a whole section full of ThunderStix on Saturday afternoon.
• Insuring Philadelphia Eagles quarterbacks isn't your job.
• You don't have to represent Alabama or Fresno State in front of the NCAA's Committee on Infractions.
• You aren't racing Tim Montgomery for the last micro RC at the mall.
• You don't have to change the light bulbs in Yao Ming's house.
• You aren't the parking attendant when Randy Moss drives up.
• You aren't on the receiving end of a Kim Willoughby kill.
• Coming up with a half-hour Cincinnati Bengals highlight film isn't your job.
• John Henry Williams isn't making your funeral arrangements.
• You didn't have France in the World Cup office pool.
• You aren't playing behind Sergio Garcia.
• You aren't a referee under siege by Joe Paterno.
• Balancing the UH athletic budget isn't your problem.
• It isn't your job to be a compliance director in the Southeastern Conference.
• Sam Adams and Keith Traylor aren't dropping by your house with an appetite today.
• You weren't the Arizona athletic director who went 0-for-2 with the firing of Dick Tomey and the hiring of John Mackovic.
• You aren't a defensive coordinator in the WAC.
• You didn't make a Campbell's Chunky Soup commercial, too.
• You aren't Frank Solich, Bob Toledo or R.C. Slocum.
• The Rainbow Wahine volleyball team played Stanford sooner rather than later.
• Jose Canseco hasn't threatened to mention you in his book.
• The Olympic skating judge, Marie-Reine Le Gougne, isn't doing your job evaluation.
• You didn't put down money in advance on bowl game tickets for Brigham Young.
• Your name isn't "Hootie."
