ABOUT WOMEN
As you approach the big 5-0, old-futdom can start to creep in

By Christie Wilson
Advertiser Staff Writer

Although Maile is one of the most energetic people I know of any age, it was still a shock to the system to think about her reaching 50. After all, she's just a few years older than I am.

The thing about 50 is when you double it, you get 100. No matter how much oat bran you consume or how many hours you spend power walking, it's likely you won't be around that long. So, 50 means you're more than halfway home, as it were. (Forgive me, Maile.) And when you're creeping up on a half-century, 20 or 30 years doesn't seem that far down the road.

On the other hand, didn't your parents seem ancient when they were 50? We're not at all like them at this age, right? (Or are we just more immature?)

Maile is a prime example of the adage you're as young as you feel. It's just that I don't feel young as often as I used to, and every time I get up a head of steam, my kids are only too happy to remind me of my old-fut status.

Old-futdom creeps up on you. A former hard-charging athlete, your shoulder hurts too much and your knees are shot. So you play age-group leagues with other old futs. One day you can't decipher the menu or the food labels at the supermarket, so you begin taking reading glasses everywhere.

Afraid you might be an old fut and not know it? Here are some clues:

• If you're spending more time scanning the obituaries for the names of classmates, you may be an old fut.
• If it's been a while since you were awake for the 10 o'clock news, here's a news flash — you might be an old fut.
• If you hear the term "H-I-C" and immediately think of the arena now known as the Neal Blaisdell Center instead of the trendy surf shop, you've crossed over into the old-fut zone.
• If it takes you two or more days to recover from a hangover, it's my duty to inform you that you may be an old fut.
• If you've stopped going to rock concerts or nightclubs because they're too crowded, too noisy, and there are too many stoned or drunk people stumbling around — but you'd consider going to see James Taylor or Kenny Loggins, you're definitely an old fut.
• If you've recently used the words "prostate" or "hormone replacement therapy" in casual conversation, you've been diagnosed as an old fut.
• If the halter tops, peasant blouses and psychedelic double-knit prints that are the latest rage in youth fashions are giving you fits of deja vu, read my lips: You may be an old fut.
• If you went to a C&K concert that wasn't billed as a "reunion," you gotta get away for a while, 'cuz you one old fut already.
• If most nights, a foot rub sounds better than sex, you've been talking to my husband.
• If your kids keep telling you that you're an old fut, get used to it.
• If you spend too much time obsessing about growing old and how much the world has changed, well ... get over it.

Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@honoluluadvertiser.com.