Posted on: Monday, October 7, 2002

ABOUT MEN
Job without actual work can free up time for surfing, chores

By Mike Gordon
Advertiser Staff Writer

So, the other day I'm out surfing with a friend of mine and we're talking about our quality of life — and, well, it got profound. I swear, really deep. Best as I can remember, it went something like this:

Me: Know what we need? Jobs where we don't have to work. Give us more time to surf, you know, and get things done.

Friend: You think of that on your own?

Me: Yep. I was at work when it came to me.

Friend: Why are we here today? It's so flat.

Me: We're here every Sunday, because we make the time to be good to ourselves.

Friend: You gotta find the time for self-therapy. It's important.

Me: Comes from being too busy. Not having time to finish things. Gives you stress.

Friend: Being married keeps you busy. Plus being a father. You never have any time for anything. Then you get cranky.

Me: Exactly. If we surfed more, think of how relaxed we'd be. Our wives could ask us to do anything, and we'd say yes. Hey, is that a wave coming this way?

Friend: No. It's a mirage. Ocean style.

Me: You gotta have imagination. Think big.

Friend: You're a visionary.

Me: But modest. If you ask me, this idea of mine, it's inspired. Hey, that was a wave. How'd we miss that?

Friend: Rolled right by while we were talking.

Me: If we were out here more often, that wouldn't happen.

Friend: We'd know better. We'd have time to sort out the good waves from the bad waves.

Me: If I had more time, know what I'd do? Write a book.

Friend: Write a book? You can't even finish reading one.

Me: And I'd do more work on the house, too.

Friend: You got plenty to do already. When are you going to finish that gate? You been working on that all summer.

Me: I need more time to figure out how it goes together.

Friend: And why do you need a gate? You already got the dog that was supposed to come after the gate, which was supposed to fence it in. But that dog is so calm, it will never run away.

Me: Any calmer, it would be in a coma. Low-maintenance dog. Who needs a gate with a dog like that?

Friend: Yeah, but since you started the gate, you gotta find the time to finish the gate.

Me: So where are the waves today? We've been sitting out here for two hours. We're going to have to leave soon. What time is it, anyway?

Friend: You were supposed to be home half an hour ago. Tell the wife you need more time. She always seems to have time for things. You should, too.

Me: I know. Like today, she has time to watch the kids, and make them waffles and stuff. Afterward, I think she's going to paint another bedroom. And she reads. Every week, a whole book.

Friend: That's impressive. Man, we sure got this all figured out.

Me: There oughtta be a rule, you know. You can't do something unless you got the time. Say, do you think women talk like this?

Reach Mike Gordon at mgordon@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8012.