By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

"It was the world around me that was always to blame," Jonah Canencia told the crowd gathered at Skygate Park. "Everything was wrong except for me."

Canencia told the awful story of the day he hurt his baby. As he puts it, "I laid my hands on my infant son."

"He was crying, throwing a fit," Canencia said. "I took my last breath of air, my mind went blank and I hit him."

Canencia was arrested that day. It was both the lowest point and a turning point in his life. After that, he got help. After that, he got perspective.

Canencia shared his story Thursday with the participants of the Men's March Against Violence. He talked about how he is attending a men's domestic violence class and a parenting class. He talked about learning to take responsibility for his actions. He spoke of working to regain his family's trust and his own self-respect.

This young man's story was particularly powerful on two counts: one, because the seeds of hope and redemption are so visibly sprouting in his life; and also, because the lessons that he spoke of were applicable to every one of us, whether we've ever actually raised a hand in anger or only thought about it in our worst moments.

Copies of the Pledge of Non-Violence, adapted from the Families Against Violence Network and the Institute for Peace in St. Louis, Mo., were passed out to the crowd and read in unison. The pledge describes even little acts of violence or the condoning of violence, that most people commit daily without a second thought. It makes the point that the seeds of violence are insidious, and that it takes constant vigilance to make sure anger and hurt don't take root in our lives.

I believe that generating peace starts with myself, in my family, school and community. Therefore, I commit:

... to become non-violent and peaceable in all my actions.

... to respect myself, to affirm others, and to avoid uncaring criticism, hateful works, physical attacks and self-destructive behaviors.

... to share my feelings honestly, look for safe and healthy ways to express my anger, and to work at solving problems peacefully.

... to listen carefully to one another, especially those who disagree with me, and to consider others' feelings and needs rather than insist on having my own way.

... to apologize and make amends when I have hurt another, to forgive others and keep from holding grudges.

... to treat the environment and all living things, including our pets, with respect and care.

... to avoid entertainment that makes violence look exciting, funny or acceptable.

... to challenge violence in all its forms whenever I encounter it, whether at home, at school, at work or in the community, and to stand with others who are treated unfairly.

The point Jonah Canencia drove home as he closed his speech was this: "I had the courage to change, and if I can do it, I know you can, too."

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.