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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, October 31, 2002

Wouldn't this be spooky?

By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

Today is Halloween but it still isn't too late for some leading sports figures to get their one-of-a-kind costumes in time for this evening's festivities.

Imagine, for example, some of the following trick-or-treaters showing up on your doorstep tonight:

• Terrell Owens as an Oscar Mayer hot dog — with plenty of mustard.

• The Cincinnati Bengals in San Diego Charger uniforms, so they can feel like a real NFL team for one day at least.

• June Jones as a Western Athletic Conference referee.

• Michael Eisner as the Angels' Rally Monkey.

• Herman Frazier as John Hirokawa, so he can make that impending UH budget deficit disappear.

• Allen Iverson and Larry Brown as Oscar Madison and Felix Unger, the other odd couple.

• UH slotback Britton Komine as a $100 bill, because he's been as good as cash for the Warriors this season.

• Fresno State football coach Pat Hill as the Dr. Evil he seems to have become to UH fans.

• Chris Webber in prison stripes — because you never know.

• Baseball commissioner Bud Selig as a bobble-head figure.

• Monday Night Football sideline reporter Melissa Stark as Andy Rooney.

• Lennox Lewis and Roy Jones Jr. as Rick Fox and Doug Christie.

• Shaquille O'Neal in a Sacramento Kings jersey.

• Randy Moss as a NASCAR driver.

• Jeff Kent as Barry Bonds.

• Gary Coleman as Dusty Baker's son, Darren.

• Tyrone Willingham as Knute Rockne.

• Kim Willoughby as a beautician, for all the facials she is giving.

• Vince Manuwai as The Rock.

• Uncle Fester as Mike Cavanaugh.

• Dusty Baker in a Seattle Mariners uniform.

• Joanne Carner as Hootie Johnson.

• Riley Wallace as Billy Tubbs.

• A Dairy Queen manager as Mark Cuban.

• George O'Leary as the Notre Dame football coach.

• Ralph Nader as an NBA referee.

• Hugh Yoshida as Vili Fehoko, the Warrior mascot.

• Martha Stewart as Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French skating judge.

• Dave Shoji as Long Beach State volleyball coach Brian Gimillaro.

• Curtis Strange as Sam Torrance.

• Alex Rodriguez holding a sign: "Will bunt for cash."

• Dick Vitale as Jeff Portnoy.

• Spud Webb as Yao Ming.