Posted on: Friday, September 20, 2002

ISLAND VOICES
Sunday drivers will be our bane

By Paul Flentge
'Aiea resident

The owner of the H-3 passing lane is, once again, in front of me.

A hairless arm adorns the driver's door. It alternates between the stop and the left-turn signal depending on the liveliness of the conversation he's having with his passenger. I see his head facing her and his lips moving. Occasionally, almost as an afterthought, he'll glance back at the freeway to realign his vehicle, which he maintains at an infuriating 52 mph.

Despite his apparent confusion over road safety and courtesy, disregarding that he is completely oblivious to the stream of cars passing him on his right, I once again am willing to offer enlightenment. (I have a weak spot for Neanderthals.)

I refuse to pass him on the right, reinforcing his behavior. I slide in close to his bumper. He now notices my new dark-blue Mustang, the same kind several cops drive. I wait. True to form, the arm goes in and full attention is given to driving a paranoid 49 mph.

I glance in my mirrors and find ample space for him to safely move into the right lane. I flash my lights. He finds 55 mph ... just as we pass the 60-mph sign.

The passenger looks at me now, recognizes my lack of authority to interfere with their holoholo. She tells the driver that I'm just some jerk trying to pick a fight. I know this because his arm comes out again, this time brandishing a singular, offensive digit and the brake lights come on. Back to 49 mph.

I yield to the obvious and begin a sequence of actions to pass His Ignorance on the right. As I pass, the passenger is shouting obscenities out her window, revealing her true nature and intelligence level.

Machismo engulfs the driver; he thinks it was all a challenge to race. Blue smoke and surprise belch from his exhaust; I hear his car shouting, "Datsun didn't make fast cars!"

Here is a simple rule for the H3: If you are passed on the right, or there are cars close to your rear, you're in the wrong lane.

Don't take it personally if someone wants to pass you. Don't act all self-righteous just because you're doing 55 mph in the passing lane — you're really just imposing your own standards on everyone else. Most of the H3 was made for speed. Modern vehicles are made to operate safely at high speeds. It's the flow of traffic that sets the safety standard, not the speed limit.