By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

As matriarch of the Ala Moana McDonald's Gang, Thelma Lam arrived at her table at 9:30 a.m. Monday and caught a bus back to Hawai'i Kai at 4 p.m. She's been doing this for 15 years.

Seven members of the Ala Moana McDonald's Gang will take off for Las Vegas shortly. Another is bouncing off to Greece today. The most rabid Warrior football and Wahine volleyball fans are in the Ala Moana McDonald's Gang.

The gang is Our Honolulu's do-it-yourself day care center for widows — living proof that women after 60 are not condemned to soap operas.

A good example is Dorothy, 90, who carries a cane because she slipped on an escalator once and hit the back of her head. Dorothy, who is bashful about having her last name printed, has lost her cane a half dozen times, which indicates that it's more of a security blanket than a necessity.

When you consider that the Ala Moana McDonald's Gang's ages add up to a millennium, it's natural to assume that we're dealing with the wisdom of the ages. So who's going to win the election for governor? The gang tilts toward Mazie.

"Matt Matsunaga is a nice boy," Myrtle Sakai explained.

This kind of political perspective carries over to incumbent Ben Cayetano. Myrtle is a great fan of Vickie Cayetano. "I attended a party and she was there. I sent a picture from the party and she wrote me a personal letter of thanks."

"I don't like her," said Dorothy. "She always puts her head in the picture with her husband."

Thelma, Dorothy and Myrtle also disagreed on whether we should start a war with Iraq.

So how do members of the Ala Moana McDonald's Gang remain friends? I mean, they talk constantly.

"We try not to talk about things where we argue," said Ethel Miyasaki, 81. "We share good stories, something nice that happens to us."

Around noon, another bunch of ladies in the restaurant get up to leave after breakfast. "They don't stay long," the gang explains sympathetically. "They have to go home and watch soap operas and Korean TV shows."

But Alice Kim came across the room and told a different story: "These women are all widows. I've got a young husband. I've got to go home and take care of him."

A reporter who interviews the Ala Moana McDonald's Gang answers as many questions as he asks — complete with commentary. "How old are you? Only seventy-eight! Don't worry, you'll get there."

I ask the gang who fits in best, a good talker or good listener? Ethel believes in listening. "I listen because people have to get it out," she said. Myrtle is the champion talker. Her friends explain: "She's a good talker because she can't hear."

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-0873.