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By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Staff Columnist
As CNN showed us live and direct proof that the former Saddam International Airport was tightly under the control of new management, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf insisted "that isn't happening."
Even as the BBC and the networks broadcast evidence of U.S. troops in the heart of Baghdad, the Iraqi Information Minister was quick to maintain with a trademark smirk and colorful Arabic vocabulary there was, "no presence of Americans..." in the capital.
Asked to explain the sound of gunfire in the streets and clouds of smoke in the skies, this Joe Isuzu in military fatigues and black beret claimed the city was "safe and secure."
SAEED AL-SAHAAF
For a couple of weeks now, such bald-faced assertions in the presence of overwhelming evidence to the contrary — the "Al-Sahhaf Show" as it has come to be known — have become a comic diversion from the tragic hostilities that surround them.
Clearly, this is a man who missed his calling and has wasted a talent for contorting the truth. Fluent in English — he was to have become an English teacher before taking up with a bloodthirsty element of the Baath Party — think of the career he could have had in sports.
Here is someone who could have been right at home trying to:
• Sell non-refundable World Series tickets to Detroit Tigers fans.
• Pitch the Harricks to North Carolina as the Tar Heels' next basketball coaching staff.
• Convince Yao Ming his future is as a jockey.
• Portray the Portland Trail Blazers as misunderstood Boy Scouts.
• Promote Clifford Etienne as a threat to win the heavyweight title.
• Get Ron Artest a guest shot on Sesame Street.
• Assure June Jones fans a UH contract extension will be signed today.
• Solicit donations to help meet the Yankees' payroll.
• Get N.O.W. to give Hootie Johnson an award.
• Convince the Winter X Games to relocate to Hawai'i.
• Talk the Pac-10 into adding Hawai'i.
• Persuade Jerry Glanville to become the new UH defensive coordinator.
• Get David Wells a Book of the Month Club deal.
• Get Mike Piazza and Guillermo Mota to exchange Christmas cards.
• Talk LeBron James into playing four years of college.
• Get Nkeruwem "Tony" Akpan to leave UH early — for the NFL draft.
