By Ken Rickard
Advertiser Staff Writer

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride."

Thankfully, there is no saying that says "always an usher, never a groom."

It's not that getting married is a bad thing, but its just the furthest thing from my mind. (I think finding a date should come first.)

However, there comes a time for all twentysomethings when it seems like everyone you know is getting hitched.

For me, it all began when I got invited to a few weddings in college. Since then, it has been a steady stream of rehearsal dinners, tux fittings and gift buying.

For the most part, I have always had someone to go these events with, but recently (read: for a couple of years) it has been a solo outing.

The first problem is the invitation. It always comes addressed to "Kenneth Rickard and guest." Of course, this is nullified by a call from the bride, who says, "I have you down as one since you don't have a girlfriend, OK?"

There is no shame in going alone; but someone in the wedding party always seems to get it in her head that it's the perfect opportunity to set up her single friends.

I'm all about meeting nice girls, but I find that a wedding really isn't the place to do it.

First of all, the event is just too emotional. I don't care what kind of woman you are, at some point in life the idea of being in a wedding gown, releasing doves and tearfully saying "I do" has crossed your mind. (I worked for a bridal magazine for two years. I know it's true.)

Secondly, these ladies also dread the thought of being put at a table with someone who their friends think would be a good mate.

Meeting at weddings puts too much pressure on any potential a relationship may have.

Giving gifts is another problem. The only thing guys know about wedding presents comes from the movie "Bull Durham," as said by Larry (played by Robert Wuhl):

"Candlesticks always make a nice gift. And maybe you can find out where she's registered; maybe a place setting, or maybe a silverware pattern is good."

Play ball.

If you are on the groom's side of the guest list, the gift is easy. You just get something you know he wants. It's not like you've gotten him anything for birthdays or Christmases since you were 8 years old.

DVD players were an easy choice a couple of years ago, but anything that says Craftsman on it does the trick.

Being on the bride's side is troublesome.

If you have a significant other, she can go out and find the perfect gift, and all the men have to do is sign the card.

I went to my friend Sharon's wedding on Saturday, and I was pretty sure a table saw wasn't the way to go.

She pointed me to her bridal registry on Macys.com, but fear of the Internet plus having to click on something called "The Bon Marché" led to the gift that keeps on giving: cash.

I have two more weddings to go to this year. And I'm OK with going alone. It saves place settings for the couple, and it's always good to wear a tie once and a while.

Just make sure I sit at an equal distance between the buffet and the bar, and there won't be any problems.

Reach Ken Rickard at krickard@honoluluadvertiser.com.