Too bad it's not 'Critic-proof Monk'

By Marshall Fine
Westchester (N.Y.) Journal News

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'Bulletproof Monk' PG-13, for violence and sexual content, 104 minutes Stars: Opens today at Dole Cannery 18 Theatres, Ward Stadium 16-Plex, Kahala 8-Plex, Koko Marina 8-Plex, Pearl Highlands 12, Pearlridge West 16-Plex, Kapolei 16-Plex, Mililani 14-Plex, Ko'olau 10-Plex, Enchanted Lake Cinemas, Windward Stadium 10, Prince Kuhio Stadium Cinemas (Big Island), Makalapua Cinemas (Big Island), Keauhou 7-Plex (Big Island), Kaahumanu 6-Plex (Maui), Kukui Mall 4-Plex (Maui), Front Street Theatres (Maui) (PG-13)

Directed by music-video veteran Paul Hunter, "Monk" references so many other movies that it barely has time to do anything new. Though based on a comic-book series, this is really the mutant-hybrid spawn of "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "The Matrix" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," filtered through the consciousness of a cola commercial.

The humor-impaired script centers on a Tibetan Buddhist monk (Chow Yun-Fat) who is given supernatural powers to guard a special scroll. This particular scroll contains an incantation that if spoken aloud grants power over the entire world to whomever speaks it. Needless to say, because this is 1943, the Nazis are after it, and now it's up to the monk to keep it from falling into the wrong hands.

He escapes from Struker, a greedy Nazi officer who has come to Tibet in search of the scroll. The monk (he gave up his name when he became the chosen one) next pops up in modern-day New York, looking nary a day older. He's being chased by the henchmen and grandchildren of the aged Struker, who is still in pursuit of the scroll.

The monk is also seeking his successor, watching for signs that fulfill an elaborate prophecy. They lead him to a small-time pickpocket named Kar (Seann William Scott), who has taught himself martial arts by emulating the kung-fu movies at a theater where he's the projectionist. Even as the monk trains Kar to replace him, they must fend off the endless attacks by Struker's overdressed commandos.

The producers undoubtedly viewed Scott ("American Pie," "Road Trip") as a stand-in for Owen Wilson, another blond with unusual timing and a mischievous look. But Scott is only as good as his material, which, in this case, is pitifully insubstantial.

Yun-Fat has a warm presence, but still struggles with his accent, a problem exacerbated by complex dialogue.

I'm usually a sucker for Hong Kong action. But between an incoherent script and the inept direction, it's hard to cut "Bulletproof Monk" much slack.