By Mike Gordon
Advertiser Staff Writer

Recently, Mrs. G. said that I flirt too much with other women. A friend told me the same thing. So did my boss, who added: "You flirt with everybody."

I had to think about that.

I had never noticed it before. Now, half of my conversations leave me wondering if I've left a member of the opposite sex with the wrong impression.

Personally, I like to think of myself as friendly. Sometimes, I'm really friendly, maybe overly friendly.

But a flirt? That banter wasn't harmless? What did I say, anyway?

Flirting isn't limited to men, although some men say that when a woman does this, she's a tease. It's all the same sandwich to me.

Maybe guys just don't notice when they're laying it on too thick. Could be our blind side. Could also be conscious behavioral blinders, you know, like with those bald guys who insist on the single-strand comb-over.

I guess we're just so well-practiced that it never occurs to us what we're doing.

It's easy to analyze, if you ponder it long enough. Flirting is a game. It's like sparring. When you get a laugh, it makes us old guys feel younger and — dare I say it? — maybe even attractive.

Yeah, that's a bunch of hooey, I know. But we're vain. And we put a lot of stock into being cool.

For the most part, we're completely harmless. It's just our way of spreading a little joy and good will.

Of course, if you're married, there are rules. The best one I ever heard, though, skirted the issue. It was years ago when I was a twentysomething laborer at a Honolulu high-rise.

One day at lunch, a friend and I sat with our legs dangling over the edge of the fifth floor. My friend, who was married, engaged in a running commentary about the pretty women walking below.

I know, it wasn't flirting in the strictest sense. But this was a guy who would say something complimentary to a perfect stranger, as long as she had pretty eyes.

I was single then, so I naively said: "Dude, you're married. You can't say that. Can you?"

My friend's reply was simple: "You can always check out the restaurant menu as long as you eat at home."

That wasn't my style. Still isn't. At least, I don't think it is.

Anyway, I don't remember flirting all that much when I was single. Usually, there was so much at stake — like getting a second date — that you had to be willing to risk it all. Say the wrong thing, even with a smile, and you quickly went from being clever to being alone.

And in those days, I was never very good with the kind of one-liners that endeared me to women. Usually, I made comments like the one I made to the future Mrs. G.

I was trying to compliment her.

"You're an incredible woman, honey, and you can cook, too," I said.

She slugged me. I am not making this up.

I can't remember if I said anything witty when she told me I flirted too much.

But I do remember one thing: I braced for impact.

Reach Mike Gordon at mgordon@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8012.