Poll: It's cool for women to pop question

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

Role reversals Almost half of women (48 percent) would propose to their significant others. Four out of every five men would accept a proposal from their significant others. About one in every three Americans (31 percent) know a woman who has proposed. Source: Korbel Champagne Cellars

About 65 percent of Americans welcome the idea of a woman proposing marriage to a man, and 77 percent of men say it's socially acceptable for women to pop the question, according to a new survey from Korbel Champagne Cellars.

Keri Shepherd, a wedding planner and author of "Hawai'i Weddings Made Simple" (Mutual Publishing, 2003, $23.95), isn't surprised. She says even if brides-to-be don't do the asking themselves, most at least discuss marriage with their boyfriend well before the engagement.

"It just seems like it's something couples talk about a lot, and (they) even go ring shopping," she said. "But it seems like the proposing is still really a guy thing."

The idea of reversing traditional roles is something Kolleen O'Flaherty Wheeler has been waiting for years to catch on.

She's a nondenominational minster on Maui who runs All Ways Maui'd Weddings & Ceremonies. She's not privy to too many details of proposals of her clients, but she has her own story.

She proposed to her husband, photographer Bruce Wheeler, two decades ago. They will be celebrating their 20th anniversary this month with a second honeymoon, in Hana.

"I don't know if it's currently popular," she said, "but I know 20 years ago it worked."

The one thing a woman planning to propose might want to be careful of is causing a blow to her guy's ego, said Jason Rich, author of "Will You Marry Me? Popping the Question with Romance and Style" (New Page Books, 2003, $13.99).

His book gives proposal tips to men and women in gay or straight relationships. And in the case of a woman proposing to a man, there's definitely a movement toward more equal relationship roles, he said. Girlfriends are even buying their guys engagement jewelry instead of waiting for the man to pull out a diamond ring.

"Most guys would be totally comfortable having their girlfriend propose to them," he said. "They might even be relieved."

Tanya Bricking writes about relationships for The Advertiser. Reach her at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.