Posted on: Thursday, August 28, 2003

COMMENTARY
Most vaunted videos

By Derek Paiva
Commentary Advertiser Entertainment Writer

Go ahead. Make the jokes.

MTV Video Music Awards 8 tonight (same-day tape), MTV (channel 71 analog, channel 567 digital)

Tell us about just how many music videos MTV actually plays in their entirety these days now that it's made Ashton Kutcher head of programming and officially become the "All-'Punk'd'-All-The-Time" network. And while you're at it, tell us the name of the mondo insane MTV programming nimrod who thought weekly half-hours of newly married, former teen pop tarts Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey yapping over who ate the last fruit roll-up was quality TV we really needed.

The sad reality is if you wanted to catch all of the videos nominated for moonmen at tonight's 2003 MTV Video Music Awards, you had to have a digital cable subscription and access to "all-videos-all-the-time" MTV2, which has played them ad nauseam the past two weeks. The vids were available on mtv.com, too. But broadband or no broadband, it's tough to recommend anyone risking perfectly good eyesight to watch Jack and Meg White pound out garage rock in a small box on the corner of an iMac desktop.

Leading the VMA nominee pack are Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott with eight nominations for her "Work It" video, and Justin Timberlake with seven nominations split between videos for "Cry Me A River" and "Rock Your Body." Next in line, 71-year-old sentimental favorite Johnny Cash's video for "Hurt" is up for six well-deserved awards — practically one nod for each time MTV has played the darn thing, according to song producer Rick Rubin.

A pool of 500 viewers, record label representatives, music journalists and video producers selected nominees and voted for winners. The Advertiser wasn't asked for its input, but we're telling you the way the awards probably will — and more importantly — how they should turn out.

BEST VIDEO OF THE YEAR:

50 Cent, "In Da Club"; Johnny Cash, "Hurt"; Missy Elliott,"Work It"; Eminem,"Lose Yourself";Justin Timberlake,"Cry Me a River"

The winner: "Work It." Two weeks ago, I would've predicted Elliott's freak-twisty vision for "Work It" as a popular shoo-in. But Cash's somber video for his cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" has gathered substantial buzz in recent days as a bonafide come-from-behind favorite. Still, Elliott will likely take the prize in a squeaker.

Most deserving: "Hurt." Sentimental fave or not, director Mark Romanek's video diary of a now ailing, visibly life-ravaged Man In Black intercut with archival footage of his long-gone younger, more hell-raisin' self is the essence of simple and spare genius. Difficult-to-ignore, heart-wrenching, uncommercial and absent of any semblance of typical music video fantasy, "Hurt" is among the best music videos ever made, period.

Best, musically: "Work It" — Missy Elliott. "Hurt" is a better fit for Cash than it ever was for Nine Inch Nails. But I'll take Missy's "gondonka-donk-donk" over Trent Reznor's stomach-turning angst any day.

BEST MALE VIDEO:

50 Cent,"In Da Club"; John Mayer, "Your Body Is A Wonderland"; Justin Timberlake, "Cry Me a River"; Eminem "Lose Yourself"; Johnny Cash, "Hurt"

The winner: "Cry Me A River." When all is said and done this is really just an "I think it's time I dis my ex-girlfriend Britney Spears" video. But it's a really good "I think it's time I dis my ex-girlfriend Britney Spears" video.

Most deserving: "Hurt" — Johnny Cash. No contest. And not simply because there are way more thought-provoking images, metaphors and ideas at work here than Britney revenge, chillin' in da club, promoting "8 Mile," and getting a little afternoon delight.

Best, musically: "Lose Yourself" — Eminem. Though overplayed to the point of nausea last winter, Em's track remains an amazing piece of music.

BEST FEMALE VIDEO

Avril Lavigne,"I'm With You"; Christina Aguilera feat. Redman, "Dirrty"; Missy Elliott, "Work It"; Beyonce feat. Jay-Z,"Crazy In Love"; Jennifer Lopez, "I'm Glad"

The winner/Most deserving/Best, musically: "Work It." With more nominations for a single video than any other artist this year, Elliott is way more than just the alpha female of this pack. And "Work It" didn't earn its Video of the Year nod for stellar replications of key moments in "Flashdance." Are you listening, J. Lo?

BEST GROUP VIDEO

B2K and P. Diddy, "Bump, Bump, Bump"; Good Charlotte, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"; The White Stripes, "Seven Nation Army"; Coldplay, "The Scientist"; The Donnas, "Take It Off"

The winner: "Seven Nation Army." Because having been a three-time-winner and Video of the Year nominee at last year's VMA's for its dazzling fun-with-Lego clip "Fell In Love With A Girl," the Stripes return in 2003 with another piece of dizzying red-and-white eye candy and cool retro rock.

Most deserving: "The Scientist." Taking the song's "I'm going back to the start" chorus as his guide, director Jamie Thraves sends viewers and Coldplay's appropriately gaunt lead vocalist Chris Martin backward, literally, through a mysterious and ultimately harrowing day in the life.

Best, musically: "Seven Nation Army." The all-things-red-and-white color scheme is quickly getting as tiresome as a Target ad, but the Stripes are undeniably one of current music's saving graces.

BEST R&B VIDEO

Aaliyah, "I Miss You"; Beyonce feat. Jay-Z, "Crazy In Love"; R. Kelly, "Ignition (Remix)"; Ashanti, "Rock Wit U (Awww Baby)"; Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland,"Dilemma"

The winner: "Crazy In Love." Because the song is as big a hit as Beyonce's solo debut, and the singer looks so darn hot poppin' bubblegum in a baseball cap that it's easy to forget how tired and derivative the clip actually is.

Most deserving: "Dilemma." The song's tale of secret love between a thug and a homegirl is unexpectedly and ingeniously transplanted to the tree-lined streets and impeccably lawned suburban setting of fictional old school white bread burg "Nellyville, U.S.A." Bling-bling, sports jerseys, wicked rides and boom boxes, however, gleefully remain.

Best, musically: "Crazy In Love" has its moments, I guess.

BEST HIP-HOP VIDEO

Busta Rhymes and Mariah Carey (featuring Flipmode Squad), "I Know What You Want"; Missy Elliott, "Work It"; Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell & Uncle Charlie Wilson, "Beautiful";ÊJay-Z and Beyonce, "'03 Bonnie & Clyde"; Nelly, "Hot in Herre"

The winner/Most deserving/Best, musically: "Work It." Everyone else is filler here.

BEST ROCK VIDEO

Evanecence feat. Paul McCoy of 12 Stones, "Bring Me To Life"; Linkin Park, "Somewhere I Belong"; The White Stripes, "Seven Nation Army"; Good Charlotte, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"; Metallica, "St. Anger"

The winner/Most deserving/Best, musically: "Seven Nation Army." It's impossible not to be down with the vision of James, Lars, Kirk and, uh, Bob kicking it live at San Quentin prison. (Is Metallica really playing a safe two miles away from the nearest inmate or is it just a neat camera trick?) But the Stripes — as with Best Group Video — have this one locked.

BEST POP VIDEO

Avril Lavigne, "Sk8er Boi"; Justin Timberlake, "Cry Me a River"; No Doubt feat. Lady Saw, "Underneath It All"; Christina Aguilera feat. Redman, "Dirrty"; Kelly Clarkson, "Miss Independent"

The winner/Most deserving/Best, musically: "Cry Me A River." Britney's posse of attorneys should've been all over her ex's narrow behind for this creepy revenge fantasy that paints Timberlake as a victim while he breaks into the home of and stalks a Spears look-alike. Real subtle stuff here, Stinky. Still, the video is deftly directed and as wicked a guilty platter of empty calories as a copy of Us Weekly.

BEST NEW ARTIST IN A VIDEO

50 Cent, "In Da Club"; Evanescence feat. Paul McCoy of 12 Stones, "Bring Me To Life"; Sean Paul, "Get Busy"; All American Rejects, "Swing Swing"; Kelly Clarkson, "Miss Independent"; Simple Plan, "Addicted"

The winner: "In Da Club." Why? Because while this tongue-in-cheek vision of 50 as a lab creation genetically engineered for rap superstardom by Dr. Dre and Eminem breaks zero new ground visually, it does star 2003's biggest-selling new artist.

Most deserving: "Miss Independent." OK, now that you've stopped laughing, go and actually watch the video. Done? All right, maybe I really am the only one who likes it.

Best, musically: "In Da Club." For its beats, its chugging instrumental track, and its truly inimitable line, "Been hit wit a few shells but I don't walk wit' a limp."

BREAKTHROUGH VIDEO

Coldplay, "The Scientist"; Sum 41, "The Hell Song"; Queens of the Stone Age, "No One Knows"; Floetry, "Floetic"; Kenna, "Freetime"

The winner/Most deserving: "The Scientist." Not because the video is all that revolutionary, but mostly because it is endlessly fascinating and relentlessly imaginative. I'd be just as happy, however, if any one of gifted director Marc Klasfeld's three nominated videos ("The Hell Song," "Floetic," "Freetime") won.

Best, musically: "Freetime." "The Scientist" is only a great track on an otherwise flawless CD. Kenna's "Freetime," however, really is the absolute best track on his impressive debut "New Sacred Cow."

The rest of the nominees:

BEST RAP VIDEO:

• 2 Pac feat. Nas — "Thugz Mansion (Acoustic)
• Eminem — "Lose Yourself
• Nas — "I Can"
• 50 Cent — "In Da Club"
• Ludacris feat. Mystikal & I-20 — "Move"

BEST DANCE VIDEO

• Christina Aguilera feat. Redman — "Dirrty"
• Justin Timberlake — "Rock Your Body"
• Sean Paul — "Get Busy"
• Jennifer Lopez — "I'm Glad"
• Mya — "My Love Is Like ... Wo"

BEST VIDEO FROM A FILM:

• Britney Spears feat. Pharrell of N.E.R.D. — "Boys (Co-Ed Remix)" from "Austin Powers In Goldmember"
• JC Chasez — "Blowing Me Up (With Her Love)" from "Drumline"
• Eminem— "Lose Yourself" from "8 Mile"
• Madonna — "Die Another Day" from "Die Another Day"

VIEWER'S CHOICE:

• 50 Cent — "In Da Club"
• Eminem — "Lose Yourself"
• Justin Timberlake — "Cry Me A River"
• Beyonce feat. Jay-Z — "Crazy In Love"
• Good Charlotte — "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"
• Kelly Clarkson — "Miss Independent"

MTV2 AWARD:

• AFI — "Girl's Not Grey"
• Interpol — "PDA"
• The Roots feat. Cody Chestnutt — "The Seed 2.0"
• Common feat. Mary J. Blige — "Come Close"
• Queens Of The Stone Age — "No One Knows"

BEST DIRECTION IN A VIDEO:

• Coldplay — "The Scientist"
• Justin Timberlake — "Cry Me A River"
• Sum 41 — "The Hell Song"
• Johnny Cash — "Hurt"
• Missy Elliott — "Work It"

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY IN A VIDEO:

• Beyonce feat. Jay-Z — "Crazy In Love"
• Jennifer Lopez — "I'm Glad"
• Mya — "My Love Is Like ... Wo"
• Christina Aguilera feat. Redman — "Dirrty"
• Justin Timberlake — "Rock Your Body"

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS IN A VIDEO:

• Floetry — "Floetic"
• Queens Of The Stone Age — "Go With The Flow"
• The White Stripes — "Seven Nation Army"
• Missy Elliott — "Work It"
• Radiohead — "There There"

BEST ART DIRECTION IN A VIDEO:

• Jennifer Lopez — "I'm Glad"
• Missy Elliott — "Work It"
• Radiohead — "There There"
• Johnny Cash — "Hurt"
• Queens Of The Stone Age — "Go With The Flow"

BEST EDITING IN A VIDEO:

• Johnny Cash — "Hurt"
• Missy Elliott — "Work It"
• Kenna — "Freetime"
• The White Stripes — "Seven Nation Army"
• Missy Elliott — "Work It"

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY IN A VIDEO:

• Johnny Cash — "Hurt"
• No Doubt feat. Lady Saw — "Underneath It All"
• Missy Elliott — "Work It"
• Radiohead — "There There"