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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Tuesday, December 2, 2003

Book might provide a gift-giving eye for the clueless guy

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By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser About Women Columnist

I left Timothy B. Schnabel's "The Gift Giving Handbook for the Inept Man" sitting out on the sofa one night. It wasn't any hint for my honey. I was just curious. It was as if it had "COLUMN" written all over it.

"What was that book that was there last night?" my guy said the next day, after I had removed the evidence.

"Oh, it's something I was reading for work," I said.

But it wouldn't hurt for more women to leave the book on the couch, just within reach of the remote control. You can even borrow my line that you were just reading it for work. If the man in your life stumbles upon it, he might skim to Rule No. 1: "Stick to the romantic gifts" and Rule No. 2:

"Go back and reread Rule No. 1."

For the most part, I have to agree with the author. Most men really stink at gift-giving. (Not that my man is one of them. He usually goes for jewelry in a pinch, and I am fine with that.)

I called the author for his big tips: Avoid gifts that depend on your honey's mood, anything that could be interpreted as behavior modification (such as gifts that say "cook more" and "clean more," and go for cash and gift certificates only as a last resort.

"Appliances are a great happy-day present if it's a random Tuesday in October," he said. "If you buy it on her birthday, you're dead."

Unknowingly, my guy has figured out the basic theory of successful gift-buying for women: It doesn't have to have a function or a cord attached. Once, he thought about getting me a little gadget that scans business cards and stores the numbers. Perfect for a journalist, right? Wrong. I am not a gadget kind of gal. I don't even use most of the functions on my cell phone. He was wise to leave that on the store shelf.

Steer clear of vacuum cleaners and items that mean more work. Women are happier with gifts such as jewelry, weekend getaways and sentimental items, particularly a card with a thoughtful note written on it.

Greeting cards are always good, but a smart shopper knows those are everyday gifts, not biggies.

If you do go for jewelry, you have to be paying attention. If all she wears is gold, she may not like something that's silver.

A bracelet is usually safe. But if you buy anything the size of a ring box and don't plan on getting engaged, you are in dangerous territory.

Beware of buying clothing, especially lingerie. If you get the wrong size, you are in big trouble.

If you are really gift-buying challenged, ask one of her girlfriends, or someone who knows her tastes. Do not ask another man, unless he is a fan of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," or unless his wife raves about his uncanny ability to choose gifts.

Poorly chosen gifts are often misguided signs of affection. And a misguided gift is better than none at all. Most women — but not all — know it's the thought that counts.

It's just that really well-thought-out gifts get extra points.

Tanya Bricking Leach writes about relationships for The Advertiser. Reach her at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.