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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, December 8, 2003

Go with something creative next time you decide to call in sick

By Anita Bruzzese
Gannett News Service

It's that time of year when making yourself get out of bed to go to work becomes even more of a chore than usual.

Still, staying home from work is not simply a matter of rolling over and going back to sleep. No, sirree, because before you head back to dreamland, you've got to come up with "THE EXCUSE."

And not one of those wimpy ones, either, like you're sick. No one really buys that, unless you were the color of pea soup the day before. So let's look at some really ingenious excuses to call in absent from work.

First, a warning: Using too many of these can result in the permanent excuse — unemployment.

A quick check of the Internet provides a font of excuses for those seeking to dodge the job for a day or so. In fact, excuses number in the hundreds, with creative souls saying they won't be at work because they have a stomach hernia from pushing a stalled car, to waking up in another state with no idea how they got there.

Here are some others worth keeping for a rainy day:

• I won't be in today. My home is flooded, and I'm currently standing on my dresser in my second-floor bedroom.

• I can't come into work today because of eye trouble ... I can't see working today.

• When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

• I'm not coming in to work today because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to me than this job.

• I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

• The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

• I won't be coming to work next week. We're trying for a baby and the doc says next week is the best chance.

• I can't come into work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work.

• I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.

• Sorry I did not show up today. I locked myself in the bathroom.

• If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

• I can't come to work today because the city is paving my street and I can't get out.

• I won't be in today ... I'm calling in dead.

• I can't come in to work today. My spirit guide says work is for losers.

• I didn't want to be late for work again today so I'm calling in sick.

• I won't be in for three days. I went to see my sister off on her cruise to the Bahamas, and the darn ship left with me still on it. The captain refuses to turn back.

• I won't be in to work today. My wife said she is going to conceive today, and I want to be there when it happens.

• I was cleaning my parents' bomb shelter, and I got locked in. I was there for two days before they found me. Luckily, there was plenty of food and water and a chemical toilet.

• I was at the shore when a whale beached itself. We spent the past two days trying to push the poor thing back into deep water.

• I got amnesia three days ago when I got hit in the head by a ball. It wasn't until this morning that I suddenly remembered who I was. Some things are still fuzzy.

Anita Bruzzese is a writer for Gannett News Service.