By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

VOLCANO, Hawai'i — Breakfast at My Island Bed and Breakfast here at the volcano is an adventure. You might have a Frenchman on your left, a Russian on your right and an astronomer from NASA across the table.

Gordon Morse, proprietor and Pele authority, can tell a million stories about guests who dine like family at two tables in the living room. One morning, a frail gentleman of about 80 years asked if he could make a long-distance call. Gordon gave him permission. The old codger hobbled across the room. The earpiece squawked.

"Mom?" he answered. The chattering guests fell suddenly silent. "I'm just fine, Mom. How are you? I miss you, Mom. What are you going to do today? OK. Bye."

The octogenarian hobbled back to his seat. A woman two chairs down cleared her throat. "Pardon me, sir, how old is your mother?" He answered cheerfully, "A hundred and three. She's going roller skating today."

My Island is popular with NASA scientists who conduct experiments at the volcano, because the craters are a lot like the moon. Before a voyage to Mars, the scientists tested a satellite-controlled lander in Kilauea Crater.

They came back on the second afternoon with the lander, a contraption about the size of a power lawn mower. It had broken down. Byron Kesler, Gordon's handyman, overheard their conversation on the telephone with Houston about shipping the lander back to the laboratory.

"Hey, take it to Hilo," he suggested. "The guy at Tex's Small Engine Repair works on lawn mowers and weedeaters. He can fix anything." Next day, the lander was working again.

When Gordon took his lawn mower to Tex's Small Engine Repair, he asked the repairman about the experimental Mars lander. "Yeah, they brought it in. I fixed it for them. There was a screw missing."

"How much did you charge?" Gordon asked.

"Nineteen cents," the repairman said.

"Did you stop to think what that thing must have cost the government?" said Gordon. "You could have charged $385,000 and they wouldn't blink."

Peter K. Buerki from Germany spent two weeks at the volcano in 1994. Gordon got him started on volcano lore. He meticulously studied the flora and fauna, the science of volcanos and stories of Madam Pele before he went home.

Two years later, a box from Buerki arrived at My Island. In it were some rocks, three chocolate bars and two letters, one addressed to Gordon, the other to Pele. The German explained that since taking the stones home, he'd lost his job and his girlfriend.

Would Gordon please build a shrine with rocks, burn the letter to Pele over them and lay the chocolate bars on the altar as atonement? Gordon would have done it, but he ate the candy bars while reading the letter.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-8073, or e-mail at bkrauss@honoluluadvertiser.com.