KISSES AND MISSES
Teen scandalized by dalliances between mother, best friend

• Kiss and Misses

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

•	Cast your vote on handling girl's crush Speaking of inappropriate relationships, a Wahiawa woman and her boyfriend can't figure out what to do about a 13-year-old girl whose crush on him has grown to the point of obsession. How should they handle the situation? Take a stand in our online poll.

They're all about dangerous liaisons, secrets and lies, and enough material for a whole pile I've labeled "Inappropriate Relationships."

Some are not necessarily inappropriate. They're questions about age-appropriateness of dating relationships, the kind of May/December romances that can be shrugged off with a nudge and a wink. Others, especially those that involve affairs, are a little more scandalous. Some are just disturbing.

Today's fascination: a letter scrawled on a sheet of notebook paper by a high schooler with a serious mother issue.

Hi, Kisses and Misses: I'm a high school senior, and my problem involves my best friend and my mom. My best friend and I are on the school bowling team, and because I don't drive yet, my mom takes me to the bowling alley and waits there to take me home. My best friend seems to have hit it off with her. He says he really likes her, and it appears she likes him a lot, too. They always sit very close together at the bowling alley, and I've seen them holding hands. They are always smiling a lot and whispering to each other. To me, they look like boyfriend and girlfriend in love with each other, but the guy is my friend and the girl is my mom, and my dad doesn't know about this. Is this normal? I don't want to say anything to my friend, because that might end our friendship, and I can't say anything to my dad or mom. I'll ask you to print it instead so my mom can read it.

The sarcastic side of me thinks you need to find a new ride to the bowling alley.

The serious side says you have to prepare yourself for a heart-to-heart with mom.

You could be sly and leave this advice column in a place where she'll find it, but that is not enough. You need to talk. You need to tell her whatever is happening between her and your best friend is bothering you.

Maybe you are misreading their body language. There could be an innocent explanation for their hand-holding and whispers. But go with your gut. Tell her it looks a little strange, it makes you uncomfortable, and you don't want rumors going around school about your mother getting it on with a member of the bowling team. Especially your best friend.

As for your best friend, he may be flattered by your mother's attention. That's a normal reaction. Maybe he even has a crush on her or a fantasy about a romance with an older woman. Go rent "The Graduate" and you'll get the idea. If you are real friends, you can survive telling him you don't want his Mrs. Robinson to be your mom.

Assuming your friend also is too young to drive, he shouldn't be getting the idea he's some kind of Ashton Kutcher, anyway. The age difference between him and your mom sort-of puts them in Mary Kay Letourneau territory (she's the Tacoma, Wash., teacher who was convicted of child rape after giving birth to a baby fathered by her 14-year-old student).

Talk to your mom. Find the courage to step up from your seat and say something. It could be the fastest way to make this little drama go away, and you'll no longer have to be the one "watching from the sidelines."

Need advice? Write to Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802, fax 525-8055 or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.