AT WORK
Hidden cost of grief in the workplace is more than $75 billion

By Andrea Kay
Gannett News Service

It's been hard to concentrate on my work list of to do's lately. Today, for in stance, I'm waiting for the oncologist to call with results of a test on my golden retriever, who's getting chemotherapy for the lymphoma she was diagnosed with last month. It isn't working. My cat died last week of the same thing. A close relative died the week before of another type of cancer.

Difficult personal times can greatly affect your work. What you go through at home does not go away when you show up at work. And the grief you feel doesn't necessarily happen in five tidy stages, then disappear.

Take the experience of one man whose son died of leukemia. In an interview on National Public Radio, this president of a bank said he found work to be a relief initially. But a year after his son had died, he became nervous and anxious and had difficulty working. His bosses expected him to be over it and he couldn't find the support he needed. He eventually left that job.

According to the Grief Recovery Institute and its "Grief Index," the hidden cost of grief in the workplace is more than $75 billion. Perhaps part of the problem is that we are trying to grieve and work at the same time.

Some companies have developed ways to help employees manage the grief they are experiencing. Hallmark, for example, created a support network through its Compassionate Connections program. Employees facing a personal crisis or transition — it could be adoption, a house fire, illness, divorce, elder care or death of a loved one — can connect with supportive co-workers who have been through a similar experience and volunteer to be matched up through a confidential database.

Other companies hold training sessions for managers on how to support a grieving worker or one going through a tough time. As a boss or co-worker, one of the most important things you can do is to acknowledge the situation and listen to the person in pain.

"Silence feels like isolation and abandonment to someone who is suffering from a profound loss," says Robert Ramsey in an article in the publication, Supervision.

Although you may feel clumsy about what to say, if you supervise employees, you should be one of the first to reach out to a grieving fellow worker, says the article.

Be patient, listen and ask how you can help. Make allowances for short-term absence and a possible longer period of depression. To help your department get through a period of loss and grieving without sacrificing productivity, the article suggests you:

• Ease up temporarily on deadlines.
• Bring in extra help if needed.
• Restructure responsibilities of the person in grief for a while.
• Show appreciation for extra efforts others are making.
• Encourage co-workers to support and listen to the person — with the best times being at lunch or after work. Talk does speed the healing process.

Talk may be cheap, says John W. James, founder of the Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation in Sherman Oaks, Calif. "But the absence of talk can be painful and torpedo workplace productivity. When we do not have the safety within ourselves or from each other, to talk openly about the emotions caused by the death of a colleague/friend, then we compound the loss with an emptiness of another kind."

To learn more about training for the support of your employees going through difficult times, go to www.grief-recovery.com.