Which best describes your current level of comfort and joy?

1. Your shopping was complete months ago, party foods are pre-baked and frozen, and you spend spare moments humming along with Handel's "Messiah."

2. It's been a lousy, rotten year, and darned if you will pretend otherwise. For the first time ever, you will not have a Christmas tree. Bah, humbug!

3. You planned to scale back this year but can't stop yourself. Like Santa's Stepford Wife, you slog

on, decking the halls, doing good deeds and baking all the treats you always make because if you didn't, someone might be sad.

4. You usually save this for later in the season, but you've already gotten out the Carpenters' Christmas album and played and replayed "Merry Christmas Darling" till you cried.

Be assured that all kinds of coping mechanisms are OK this time of year, as long as they don't involve maxing out your credit cards, wallowing in guilt or abusing an addictive substance, such as fudge.

They might even include hearing the Christmas song that makes you cry. Let's face it, there are aspects of remembrance during the holidays that echo best in the voice of Karen Carpenter — who combines hope and yearning so poignantly and who is, of course, dead.

Sometimes it's best to have that cry, then get on with your shopping.

"I think the biggest mistake people make is to allow others to define for them what their Christmas should be like," said JoAnne Herman, a stress-management educator in University of South Carolina's College of Nursing.

From magazines, TV shows and ads come messages about all the things you should buy. Your wife should get diamonds. Your husband should get a Lexus. Your kids should get gifts that make them not only happy but brilliant.

Meanwhile, your home must be redolent of cinnamon and sugar cookies, with a color-coordinated Christmas tree in every room. All you need is a camera crew from HGTV to come in and document it all. "Most people just allow themselves to be caught up in the rush," Herman said.

One tactic to help you hop off this holiday treadmill is to reclaim the right to define the season. Which activities do you really want to do? What will make you happy? How can you find time to savor the season?

Besides being assertive about those issues, "do something every day that enriches you," Herman advised. That will help you avoid becoming emotionally drained.

Herman also tells people to practice four "stress-inoculation behaviors" that help manage stress year round:

• Get aerobic exercise every day (for example, brisk walking, jogging, lifting weights, dancing).

• Eat a balanced diet.

• Get seven to eight hours of sleep every night.

• Cut down your intake of caffeine, which revs up stress.

People coping with loss and loneliness should give themselves permission to grieve, Herman said. Serious sadness that has lasted for months might be more than just stress, and merit a trip to the doctor.

Herman said creating new traditions can help shift the focus away from the past. For example, you might adopt a family to help, do volunteer work, or try going to church again.

"Loneliness seems so much more poignant during the holidays," said Mary Beth Brock, an occupational therapist at the Medical University of South Carolina.

Emotional stress may center on a death or divorce, an "empty nest," or the absence of a loved one serving in the military.

Brock, who leads seminars on surviving the holidays, urges lonely people to reach out to others. It's a good time of year to volunteer at a hospital, make deliveries to shut-ins or serve a meal in a homeless shelter.

"You feel better about yourself," Brock said. "You're not as self-focused. And sometimes it's a reminder that there are people less well-off than yourself."

Many have had a tough year financially. Yet there's a temptation to spend too much during the holidays. If you think you're stressed now, just wait till you get those credit-card bills.

It's better to be honest, even firm, with family members, Brock said. Sure, the kids might make a list of 10 things they want. But let them know they'll get only a few.

"The idea is that this is the real world, and nobody gets everything they want," Brock said. "And that's not a bad lesson for kids to learn."

Look for low-cost ways to make merry, such as a caroling party, she advised. Some holiday tasks, such as trimming the tree or baking, can transform into social gatherings.

Also look for ways to scale back projects that leave you feeling neck deep in cocoa, pecans, candied fruit, poinsettias and garland.

For example, you might feel you have to make a wide variety of holiday treats — cookies, candies, pupus. But do you really?

"You can get a lot of good things at Sam's Club," Brock said.