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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Tuesday, December 23, 2003

ABOUT WOMEN
Longing to pull teen daughter close as she's growing away

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By Christie Wilson
Advertiser Staff Writer

Today is my darling daughter's 16th birthday.

It's been wonderful these past couple of years watching her grow into her own person, although I see flashes of my younger self in her outbursts of teenage angst and her chronic inaction when it comes to cleaning her room.

She's definitely developed her own sense of style and is brainier than I was at her age, at least when it comes to higher algebraic operations.

I'm actually enjoying her, most of the time. She finds me amusing, and in a patronizing way thinks I'm "cute" when I talk back to the TV or need her help to figure out how to check the messages on my cell phone.

She says most of her friends' parents are clueless about teen culture, and she wouldn't admit it but is pleased that we crack up at the same jokes on "The Simpsons" and "South Park" and can have an informed conversation about Pharrell and Sean Paul — although I am prohibited from commenting on the hotness of anyone who is less than half my age plus seven, because that would be gross. (Her rule, not mine.)

She tells me what to wear if we're going out together, and now that she's learning to drive, my currency has improved even more. This will end when she gets her driver's license and no longer needs an adult in the car.

We also enjoy shopping together. It's a mother-daughter bonding thing.

I am under no illusions about the nature of these excursions, and realize that she tolerates my company mostly because I am a walking ATM. She knows that being nice to her poor old mother and maybe even letting me hold her arm while we stroll along the shops will put me in a warm-and-fuzzy mood to spend money on her.

I know she knows this, and she knows I know she knows this, but we pretend we're just two girlfriends out for laughs. We put aside the tensions of the week about the messy room, school projects left until the last minute and the hours idled away on Xanga.

I play along because it's rare that we have time alone, even at a price.

The highlight of our mall days, for me at least, is a "ladies' lunch" at a restaurant with full table settings and cloth napkins — a ritual my own mother and I shared countless times well into adulthood.

There are other milestones to come in our relationship: notably, her leaving for college and, presumably, getting married and giving birth.

While recognizing my daughter's need to pull away, I get desperate for her company sometimes, knowing she'll be gone from the house soon. It seems near impossible to imagine letting her go, but in a couple of years we'll probably both be ready to put some space between us. At least that's what they tell me. In the meantime, I'll keep scratching her back every night before she goes to bed. (She'll never forgive me for letting that one get out).

Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@honoluluadvertiser.com or (808) 244-4880.