Posted on: Thursday, December 25, 2003

Santa really knows his business

By Chris Roberts
Knight Ridder News Service

It is Christmas Day, so you figure Santa Claus is sprawled on a beach somewhere, sunning his round belly after working his one day this year.

You are probably wrong. More likely, he is back at the North Pole to compile the after-action report, conduct inventory, change Rudolph's oil and tackle some last-minute tax maneuvers.

You see Santa listening to true believers at the mall, waving at the tail end of Christmas parades or riding a Norelco through the snow. Your mind's eye sees him guiding the sleigh, quaffing milk, nibbling cookies and jamming himself through chimneys late on Christmas Eve.

Now think of Santa behind a desk.

Of all of Santa's skills, the right jolly old elf's biggest task is running a company. He is chief executive, chairman, president, main stockholder and spokesmodel for one of the planet's biggest conglomerates.

The vastness of his enterprise makes Wal-Mart look like a yard sale, Microsoft like a typing pool.

Yet Santa pulls it off with ease, without the grimness of fellow business owner Ebenezer Scrooge or the greed of Professor "Think Nasty" Hinkle, the magician from "Frosty the Snowman."

What makes Santa such a good business executive?

Consider that Santa:

• Holds the mystique of authority. Power perceived, as Santa would tell you, is power achieved. And few CEOs have the perceived power of Santa Claus, who has made nearly everyone happy nearly all the time while maintaining control of his company for centuries.

• Is deft at delegating authority. How can every mall in every town have a Santa Claus? How can Santa be red and yellow, black and white — sometimes at the same mall at the same time?

• Runs the world's best distribution system. FedEx is the Pony Express compared to how Santa delivers the goods. Internet lore says Santa's sleigh must travel at 650 miles per second and hit nearly 1,000 houses a second for nearly 31 hours to deliver to good boys and girls. Despite the math, he gets the job done.

• Stays close to his customers. FAO Schwartz is in bankruptcy for the second time this year, blaming Wal-Mart and other retailers for putting the hurt on them. When was the last time Mr. Schwartz asked every child on the planet what toy they wanted? Santa takes time to find out what his customers want.

• Owns the world's best in information technology. Santa maintains an incredible bank of servers to keep up with who has been naughty or nice. In fact, there was talk this year that Santa would sell his "naughty-or-nice" tracking system to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, but the deal fell through over Santa's concerns that the government might not check its list twice before making an arrest.

• Is single-minded in mission. Santa's operations never veered into conglomerations with seeming unrelated businesses, such as GE or the late Gulf & Western. He knows that staying focused on a single purpose is the best way to remain excel-lent.

• Knows the "little guys" in his operations. Next time you see Microsoft's Bill Gates, ask him to name all his drivers. Yet Santa knows his nine drivers by name, from Dancer to Rudolph.

• Is a master at union-management relations. Elves work for him. Reindeer fly for him. The Teamsters union remains unable to form a local at the North Pole.

• Markets better than anyone else on the planet. Coca-Cola has tried to tie itself to Santa Claus and Christmas for decades, with some success. Its "I'd like to teach the world to sing" Christmas campaign remains a high point among advertising jingles.

But Santa leaves Coke in its dust. For every famous song about Coke, anyone older than 3 knows a half-dozen songs about Santa.

Also important is Santa's international marketing campaign. Professors say Coke, Mickey Mouse and Elvis are among the world's best-known symbols. But they forget about Santa, better known as Father Christmas in England, Shengdan Laoren in China, Papa Noel in Brazil, and other names in other lands.

• Pinches his subcontractors. The bottom line in any business is profits. And regardless of how much joy he spreads and how many gifts he brings, it is important to remember that Santa never foots the bill. Parental subcontractors ultimately pick up the check for his largesse.