Families cross religious boundaries this Christmas
By Mary Kaye Ritz
Advertiser Religion & Ethics Writer
Lei Honda-Sigall of Kalihi Valley, who grew up a Buddhist and married a Jew, puts up a Christmas tree every year without fail.
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"Talk about interfaith!" said the nurse, who learned about acceptance of other religions as a youth — something that helps her at St. Francis, the Roman Catholic hospital where she works. "Buddhism brings you up to be open. As a nurse, I'm trained to accept anyone."
Lei Honda-Sigall of Kalihi, left, was raised as a Buddhist and works as a nurse at a Catholic hospital. Her husband, Bob Sigall, is Jewish, yet the couple celebrates the season with a Christmas tree every year.
Many families in Hawai'i are mixing traditions this Christmas Day. Interfaith marriage is rising across the United States, and Americans nationwide are celebrating increasingly diverse holidays.
Although exact data is hard to come by because the U.S. Census is forbidden to ask questions about religion, a 2001 American Religious Identification Survey found 22 percent of 50,281 households polled reported being a religiously diverse union.
The survey did not include Hawai'i in its sampling because of the expense involved, but University of Hawai'i professor Dean Alegado, chair of the ethnic studies department at the Manoa campus, said he suspects the proportions are higher in Hawai'i, "given that the rate of interethnic and interracial mixed marriages is quite high."
Buddhist Mel Hayase also lives an interfaith life: His wife is a devout Irish Catholic and their children learned the religions of both parents. Hayase has a unique perspective, as a therapist with the Samaritan Counseling Center of Hawaii, an interfaith counseling service. He finds Hawai'i unique, "with such a wide variety of religious interests."
Holidays such as Christmas, he found, are easy traditions for Japanese Buddhists to adopt, even if they don't worship Jesus. In Japanese culture, guests do not force their ways on their hosts, he said, and early Buddhists to the Islands felt like guests in Hawai'i's vast religious culture.
Today, several Buddhist temples decorate Christmas trees, including Wahiawa Hongwanji. Its minister, the Rev. Kevin Kuniyuki, also embodies Hawai'i's diverse culture. His wife will attend Christmas services with her mother at Kapahulu Bible Church, and the two were married by a Lutheran minister.
At one point, Kuniyuki looked into joining a Christian church, but felt "some get carried away with the superiority of their religion." Gradually, he returned to Buddhism and became a minister.
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Kuniyuki's Hongwanji members hope his wife will join him in the faith someday, probably because "she's such a good sport, she joins in all the services," he said.
The Hayase family of Mililani celebrates many different traditions at this time of year. From left are Lynn, Glen, Marisa on Grandmother Eileen's lap, Melvin, Melody, Sean and Neil.
The Buddhist minister said his marriage is strong because he and his wife have been able to find meaning in each other's faith. "In the end, people should realize that religious traditions arise out of culture and human experience, and behind that is a lot in common," he said. "When we talk about the ultimate truth, it's something that's greater than us. Many times what happens is people do terrible things because of labels."
The American Religious Identification Survey did find that interfaith marriages have a higher rate of divorce.
Hayase, who counsels interfaith couples, said that when a couple comes in to complain about their religious differences, there are usually other, deeper problems.
He and his wife, Eileen, were able to respect each other's faiths, but raising children brought its quandaries. While Eileen made sure all her children were baptized and made their first communion, she left the sacrament of confirmation up to their discretion.
Mel Hayase remembers the time his oldest son came home from Catechism and discussed how resolving Buddha and God was confusing. "When you come of age, you can decide what you want to do," Hayase told his son.
To both parents' chagrin, one son, Neil, considers himself an atheist. But when Grandma offers to take Neil Hayase's children to St. John's Catholic parish, or Grandpa to Mililani Hongwanji Mission for Sunday school, he acquiesces.
"I think it's good to let them see the different sides to religion," Neil Hayase said.
Popular culture also is touching on the coexistence of faiths. Seth Cohen on the popular TV teen drama "The O.C." came up with the holiday "Christmukkah: Eight days of presents and then one day with lots of presents!"
"Creating new traditions is part of every relationship," said Nathan Kline, interreligious program specialist for the Chicago office of the National Conference for Community and Justice, which advocates interfaith understanding. "But creating new traditions should not come at the expense of old ones."
Many faith-based groups are doing a poor job supporting the growing group of interfaith families, said the Rev. Charles Joanides, a Greek Orthodox priest and author of the book "When You Intermarry: A Resource for Inter-Christian, Intercultural Couples, Parents and Families" (Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, $14.95).
Joanides interviewed more than 400 interfaith couples for his book and is forming an outreach ministry for them in his church.
Couples are breaking new ground, and religions are doing the following, he said. Lay people have to create their own support groups, such as the InterFaith Family Network for Jewish-Christian families, because institutional religions have no answers for them, Joanides said.
Gannett News Service contributed the national information in this story, including quotes from Mainland experts. Reach Mary Kaye Ritz at 525-8035 or mritz@honoluluadvertiser.com.
