George Carlin's take on reality bites
By Derek Paiva
Advertiser Entertainment Writer
Jerold Hamza
Soak in enough of comedian George Carlin's dozen HBO specials, 15-plus CDs and two best-selling books and you begin to recognize life's little "Carlin-esque moments" as they happen.
Funny guy George Carlin says birth is a free ticket to a freak show.
For example, being recently asked by a friend about what I was doing when Saddam Hussein was found in his spider hole. This same friend had also queried me this year about what I was doing when the space shuttle Columbia exploded and what I was up to when Iraq was invaded. My gripe? Why the heck does it matter? Iraq was invaded! The shuttle blew up!
As it turned out, even the master of picking apart stupid cultural habits and behaviors felt my pain.
"You'll be glad to know I have a note on that in my next book," said Carlin, on the phone from Los Angeles. "It doesn't so much take on the question of 'What were you doing?' but the statement, 'I'll never forget where I was when I heard ...' "
Carlin paused for effect.
6 and 9 p.m., New Year's Eve Blaisdell Concert Hall $38, $45 (877) 750-4400
"What's the big deal about knowing where you were when President Kennedy was killed? I know where I was a lot of times!" said Carlin, laughing. "I know where I was yesterday. I know where I was when I graduated from grammar school. I was right there!
George Carlin
"You and I are in the same train there."
Carlin's next book, by the way, is titled "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?" But more on that later.
After more than four decades of poking a big verbal stick at the countless things he dislikes — environmentalists, religion, humankind in general — George Carlin remains as keenly observant, wickedly nonconformist and eternally ticked off as ever.
A New Year's Eve show in Honolulu this week with Carlin looking back on 2003? Dream on, Trista and Ryan! Anyone who knows anything about Carlin knows that he would never wax topically on mankind's year past when there are several millennia of human history and behavior he's yet to contend with.
This is the man, after all, who once said about the apocalypse, "I root for cataclysm, for its own sake, just as entertainment." I asked him if we were all doomed and why he was the head cheerleader for it.
"I gave up on this culture, this human experience, a long time ago. Because I can see that it's really just a geological/biological natural accident of events," said Carlin, 66. "Presumably, the reptiles had a chance. And they were wiped out by a chance event of a comet or an asteroid changing things. Mammals came to power, as it were, because of that event.
"So to me there's nothing divine about it. There's nothing ordained anywhere. It's just a chance thing. And it's funny to me."
Carlin offered a theory regarding the human experience that he was still working on for his stage show.
"When you're born, you're given a ticket to the freak show," explained Carlin. "Some people are in the show. They're the freaks. The Michael Jacksons, the Liza Minnellis, these people are here to entertain us."
The rest of us?
"You can either sit back and enjoy the freak show ... or you can try to fix the freaks," said Carlin. "People like that — environmentalists, the ACLU, people running around with lawsuits — they're trying to fix the freaks.
"And then you have guys like me. We get to review the show."
A more polished version of Carlin's theory will appear in "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?"
"I like that title because I believe it offends all three major religious groups," said Carlin, matter of factly. "The Muslims and the Jews don't like pork. And then the Christians don't really want you talking about Jesus. So I think I've got 'em there."
Another Carlin project for 2004 is "Jersey Girl," his third film with director Kevin Smith after 1999's "Dogma" and 2001's "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." Cast as the father of Ben Affleck's lead character and grandfather of the titular female, Carlin will enjoy the more screen time in "Jersey Girl" than he's had on film.
"That was fun and I like being a part of all that," said Carlin, about his membership in Smith's "repertory company." "It's nice to sort of have a little family like that."
The bulk of Carlin's New Year's Eve show will feature brand new material the comedian is perfecting for his 13th HBO special, set for broadcast in 2005. Among the new stuff in the act: a recitation about modern American language, a bit called "I Like It When a Lot of People Die," and Carlin's thoughts on suicide and the very first enema.
"Let your readers know I'm in there investigating," asked Carlin.
Reach Derek Paiva at dpaiva@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8005.
