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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, December 26, 2003

Macho stars must look menacing in the posters, too

By Robert Philpot
Knight Ridder News Service

For a guy who used to dance around in his skivvies while listening to Bob Seger songs, Tom Cruise looks pretty danged mean on the poster for "The Last Samurai."

Hirsute, angry, wielding a sword and charging on horseback, he looks like he's ready to attack all the critics who panned "Eyes Wide Shut."

But Cruise isn't the first guy — and it's usually a guy — to do the macho-pose movie-poster thing. Seems like every macho actor in Hollywood has to do a macho period piece, complete with a macho-pose poster. Here, we break down a few of the most memorable.

• "CONAN THE BARBARIAN"

The poster: Classic fantasy art, with Arnold Schwarzenegger raising his sword high while Sandahl Bergman (remember her?) crouches at his feet. The guy looks so dominating, like he could govern a state or something.

The movie: A 1982 throwback to old '50s sword-and-sandal flicks, it was OK in its day, but looks outdated now.


• "NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION"

The poster: Classic fantasy art, with Chevy Chase raising his tennis racket high while Christie Brinkley and Beverly D'Angelo crouch at his feet. Actually, they look sexier than Arnold and Sandahl.

The movie: OK, so it's a comedy, not a macho-action flick. But the poster's a pretty good joke all by itself, so we're including it.


• "RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD, PART II"

The poster: As flames burn in the background, an impossibly buff Sylvester Stallone glares into the camera, holding some kind of terrifying weapon we're too gentle to understand.

The movie: A huge "We're not gonna take it anymore" hit with Stallone's John Rambo bucking, well, everything to help rescue POWs. Every bit as tough and reactionary as the poster.


• "BRAVEHEART"

The poster: As William Wallace, Mel Gibson scowls — in fact, even his hair extensions scowl — as he holds a sword while riders behind him battle for FREEEEEEEEEEEE EEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

The movie: It's even more action-packed than its poster, and quite possibly the most violent mainstream Hollywood movie ever — at least till "Gladiator" and "Kill Bill." Hey, if you don't think Mel deserved his Oscars for best director and best picture, YOU fight him over it.


• "BLADE"

The poster: Wesley Snipes, clad in black, with that ubiquitous sword. Well, the movie's name is "Blade," after all. We'd say he looks like he stepped out of "The Matrix," except that this movie came first.

The movie: A bloody, action-packed saga, with Snipes as a half-human/half-vampire who goes after some really evil vampire types.


• "GLADIATOR"

The poster: Russell Crowe strikes a pose remarkably similar to Gibson's "Braveheart." No wonder he won an Oscar, too.

The movie: Rousing entertainment in which modern audiences flocked to see a violent spectacle about ancient audiences flocking to see violent spectacles. Could be a commentary on violence as entertainment, if director Ridley Scott had any sense of irony at all. Which he doesn't.


• "LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER"

The poster: Angelina Jolie, hair pulled back, body held together by clothes instead of skin.

The movie: Critically derided, it still made a bundle of money and merited a sequel — which did far worse.


• "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL"

The poster: Oooh, Johnny Depp gets a sword AND a gun! Except he doesn't look all that mean. And he appears to be wearing more eyeliner than Angelina Jolie.

The movie: There's a reason Depp is the main image on this movie's poster — he IS the movie.


• "MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD"

The poster: Crowe again, less scowly, more pensive, but still looking masterful and commanding.

The movie: Really, the kind of movie they don't make anymore: a resolutely old-fashioned seafaring saga, with Crowe's Jack Aubrey bonding with his men between ocean battles. Given the movie's more subtle feel, Crowe's pensive-looking poster pose is appropriate.


• "TROY"

The poster: Brad Pitt as the warrior Achilles, sword raised, hair long, arms buffed, looking as if he had been dipped in gold. Those ancient Greeks — what a fight club.

The movie: It won't be released till next year, but a decent action director (Wolfgang Petersen) and a strong cast give us hope that this will be a worthwhile odyssey.