Maui man deals with devastating blow of twin's death in Iraq

By Timothy Hurley
Advertiser Maui County Bureau

WAILEA, Maui — Losing a brother can be hard — very hard. But losing an identical twin can be absolutely devastating.

Maui-born Kelly Bolor was killed in a helicopter crash in Iraq on Nov. 15. Photo courtesy Channel 8

Yet Maxie is not only coping with the grief this holiday season, he's thriving. The reason: A wonderful gift is helping to fill the hole in his heart — a special relationship with his nephew, Kyle, Kelly's 3-year-old son.

"When I talk to him, it's like talking to my brother," he said. "I get a warm feeling. It's like Kelly's living through him."

Kyle and his mom, also named Kelly, have returned to their California home, but Maxie and the boy talk on the phone at length everyday, helping to ease the pain and loss both feel inside.

"It really does seem like when I'm talking to my nephew, it's like talking to my brother."

Maxie was born six minutes ahead of Kelly on Dec. 20, 1965. They were the eldest males among six siblings, one girl and five boys, who were raised by their mom, Annie, in Lahaina after their dad, Martin Bolor, unexpectedly died in 1968 at age 50.

They were not well-off. Annie raised her family on welfare and the money she earned as a cafeteria worker at Sacred Hearts School, where she was able to enroll her children. The family also got plenty of support from uncles, aunties and cousins.

Keith "Maxie" Bolor of Maui says he remembers his twin brother, Sgt. 1st Class Kelly Bolor, through Kelly's 3-year-old son, Kyle. Kelly was killed on Nov. 15 in a helicopter crash in Iraq. Tim Hurley • The Honolulu Advertiser

"We grew up fast being the 'men' of the house," Maxie recalled.

The twins were amazingly close in both personality and appearance. As young boys, the photographer who took their school pictures included double prints in Kelly's picture envelope — and an apology for failing to take Maxie's image. As it turns out, the extra photos were actually pictures of Maxie. After that, the nuns at the school asked Annie to sew the twins' names on the front pockets of their uniforms.

While the twins might have been resentful of their difficult childhood, Maxie said he and his brother accepted their role and were grateful for it in many ways. It made them better people, he said, instilling in them a work ethic that helped turn them into leaders.

Indeed, while Maxie is chief of the grounds and maintenance staff at the prestigious Four Seasons Resort in Wailea, Kelly was honored by his general for drastically improving the performance of a platoon he took over and led into battle.

When three of the brothers — Maxie, Kelly and Rocky — left home for the Army in 1984, they continued to send money home to help pay the bills. And while Kelly and Rocky joined the regular Army, Maxie volunteered for the Army Reserves, just so he could stay on Maui to help his mom out financially.

Kelly was in the Army for four years before continuing his service in the Army Reserves. In 1991, he was sent to the Middle East as part of Operation Desert Storm and again was called to active duty last winter for the Iraqi campaign.

Even while separated by thousands of miles, Maxie and Kelly continued to have that special link — that emotional, physical and spiritual bond — that only twins know and feel.

Each birthday and Christmas, they called each other. Uncannily, the calls were almost always simultaneous. "We always shared those special feelings," Maxie recalled. "He knew exactly how I'd feel, and I'd know exactly how he would feel."

They both suffered from the arthritic inflammation known as gout. Once one would get it, the other would invariably get it, too. After a while, they made a habit of immediately getting on the phone and warning the other to adjust their diet to avoid coming down with it.

Maxie remembers the first time he visited Kelly's home in Whittier, Calif. He found it eerily familiar.

"It was like I had already been there. It was set up the way I would have done it," he said.

On the Saturday Kelly was killed, Maxie became ill. His hands turned pale and he noticed a blood clot. He told himself to let Kelly know, but he didn't. He skipped dinner and went to bed. The next day, he was still sick but he went to work anyway. When he returned home, he went to bed again.

Maxie learned of his brother's death early the next morning.

"I should have called him that Saturday. I don't know if it would have made a difference, but ..."

The twin connection was strong even in death. After Maxie flew to his brother's memorial service in California, he arranged to fly home to Maui on what turned out to be the same flight that carried the remains of his brother.

He found out beforehand, and the flight was filled with emotion. "It was the first time we had flown together since we went off to the Army. And there we were coming home together."

During this holiday season, Maxie continues to be touched by the spirit of his brother. Memories of Kelly engulf his mind: his friendliness, his sharing and caring, his loyalty to family, his smile.

"It feels like he's still here. I can feel him. Lately, I've been getting up in the middle of the night. I get up because I miss him. It's like a part of me is gone."

Maxie will never forget Kelly's voice when he called from Iraq and said: " 'Hey, it's getting kind of scary over here. My home is your home. Take care of my family. Take care of my boy.'"

Maxie is doing the best he can from afar.

"His daddy is gone, but there's always Uncle Maxie. I want to make sure he's OK."

Maxie sent Kyle a large box with a dozen wrapped Christmas gifts.

"Kelly lives. He lives through his son. That's what I feel. That's what I see. It's like having another brother — right there."

Reach Timothy Hurley at (808) 244-4880 or thurley@honoluluadvertiser.com.