HAWAIIAN STYLE
Signs of the times good for a laugh in Vegas
LAS VEGAS — More signs — and billboards — of intelligent life in Las Vegas:
• Sign of the times (and simply said): Dental of Las Vegas' "We Cater to Cowards" sign on a medical office building.
• Billboard of few words: "I.Q. Testing in Progress," the aptly captioned Regional Flood Control Project billboard, showing several submerged cars that "chanced" a flooded street.
• Holoholo billboards?: Cute, da names of those mobile Vegas truck-pulled "billboards: "Street Blimps," reads one, and "On the Go Mobile Media," another. "GPS tracked," they're labeled — the better, I assume, to make sure drivers are making their appointed mobile advertising rounds around city, and not going moemoe.
• Billboards need love, too?: "Vasectomy.com. It's Easier Than You Think." Ouch.
• More signs of the times: Oh, da cute! Hattitude i a hat shop, of course. No?! OK, Pet's Bed & Breakfast Resort on Charleston? Or: Skinny Duncans, a pub and bar? Cute, no?!
• Find a need and fill it: Dave's Furniture Bloopers store in a strip mall. "Kosher Kmart" store sign. And, how 'bout the Baby Depot: you can buy one there? And, what's the return policy?
• Pure class: The Venetian's marble and brass public bathrooms, and bellboys, ever attentive, in black-and-white striped gondola outfits. More class in the lobbies than most Isle hotels.
• Refugees from Kalakaua Avenue?: The never-moving human sculptures at the Venetian, a la our "Silver Man" or "Newspaper Man" et al on Kalakaua? Our fad first, or theirs?
• Gotta want it bad: The pawn shop with an after-hours drive-up window. And the Walgreen's Drugs drive-through pharmacy.
• Another lesson for Honolulu?: Those gaudy ads on Las Vegas buses. Learn from experience?
• Is it only me, or is Trader Joe's overrated? (OK, OK. I'm the only one in the universe who also hates mayonnaise and Zippy's chili, too.)
• No limo for The King: The "Elvis," in makeup, but street clothes, walking to work at one of the casinos along The Strip.
• Water, water everywhere?: Non-tourist-related water features — Bellagio fountains and Mirage volcano, exempted, of course — told to turn 'em off. Vegas' hot air quickly evaporates the stuff, even from recirculating fountains. Drought conditions, don't you know.
• Truth in Advertising: A Terribles Hotel and Casino ... a Terribles gas station, and other Terribles businesses. I'm sure it's one of those (Terrible) family things. That's Terrible.
• OK, come clean!: Is it the dust that makes most of the cars in Vegas filthy? Or is everyone too busy gambling to wash car?
• Lucky you no "leave" Hawai'i: The slippahs 'n' T-shirt 'n' saimin world of The California, Fremont and Main Street Station. You can leave home without leaving home. 'As why hard!
• Finally: ever think that the Vegas experience is like being on a ocean cruise: always something to do, day or night; free food everywhere; no one but yourself to blame if you're bored with nothing to do.
The Advertiser's Wade Kilohana Shirkey is kumu of Na Hoaloha No'eau o Ka Roselani hula halau at Kawaiaha'o Church.
