ABOUT WOMEN
Could a gal's burning curiosity end up pushing his buttons?

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

I was sitting in the car off Mahie Point in Ka'a'awa, waiting for my guyfriend to come in from surfing at Crouchings. Bored, I reached over and grabbed his cell phone. Just to check the time. But instead, I hit the "talk" button. His phone started dialing.

"Please enter your password."

I panicked, searching frantically for any key that indicated "Stop, end, turn off."

The call ended. My heart was racing. I put the phone back, hoping he wouldn't notice. Then it hit me: Notice what? That I had accidentally dialed his voicemail? What was so wrong with that?

As he paddled back to the beach, I debated telling him. I hadn't intentionally tried to access his voicemail messages. And I hadn't been able to access them anyway, so no harm done.

But what would I have done if I could?

The incident bothered me for weeks. And I thought about it more than I wanted to admit. Like every time his cell phone rang and he walked out of earshot to take the call. Or when I watched him scroll through his address book and noticed my name was No. 156.

Who was calling him, anyway? Why did he have three saved messages? What's the deal with the password? The questions started to burn, then fester. I never felt this compelled to wonder so much about someone I had already trusted.

We all, at some time, feel the need to know. You wonder where he got his favorite dress-up shirt, obviously picked out by a woman. You wonder which ex-boyfriend gave her the extra-large sweatshirt, obviously worn by a guy.

The problem comes when the questions turn into the quest.

He's in the shower. You've got nine minutes to search his desk for that pink envelope from London. He talked about his fling with some British hottie, and now she's making contact. You have to know. So you stealthly swipe the card, shoving it in your handbag to read later.

But let's say you do find out he's cheating. Do you confront the low-life with the information you've found, only to expose yourself as a snoop? Or do you say nothing, letting what you know fester inside?

It's called instant karma. And it happens all the time, more than most people think.

I have normal, sane, gainfully employed girlfriends who have read guys' e-mails, searched through jacket pockets, even pawned jewelry from exes. One of my girlfriends regularly checks her guy's voicemail messages. Another friend destroyed every photo of his girlfriend's ex. All on the sly.

It comes down to a trust issue. Maybe he is cheating. But what if he's not? You just wasted time and emotion you could've invested into a healthy, happy relationship on proving you're a victim. His potential to cheat is now the least of your problems.

I did tell my guyfriend I pushed the "talk" button on his phone by accident. (I had to. He has that missed-call function.) And he didn't accuse me of prying into his personal life.

He trusts me as much as I trust him.

The last time I saw his phone, the display read "keypad lock."