By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

Sandra Hall of Our Honolulu was doing some research when she came across the inside dope on how to get a drink in Hilo.

She was looking through the Pacific Commercial Advertiser of Sunday, March 21, 1920. There was a column called The Bystander by a reporter who apparently took a trip to Hilo during prohibition. He wrote that he had a touch of the flu and hoped that the volcano would smoke it out of him.

"I needed a shoe shine so I climbed into a chair on a certain prominent thoroughfare and permitted the deft polisher of footwear to massage my $17 near-leathers.

" 'You look a bit seedy,' said the bootblack. 'Want some medicine?'

" 'Whatta ya mean, medicine?'

" 'The real stuff,' says he with a wink.

"Now I am a member in good standing of the Society for the Suppression of Thirst so I deemed it my duty to investigate.

" 'Go to that restaurant,' said he, pointing with his polishing rag, 'and ask for thimbleberry pie, with the emphasis on the thimble. D'ya get me?'

"I got him, went to the restaurant and asked for thimbleberry pie with the emphasis on the thimble. The waiter ... brought me pie and a pint bottle nicely wrapped.

" 'One dollar quarter,' he said.

"I gave him $1.50. As I was leaving the restaurant, I was stopped by a policeman.

" 'Let's see that package,' he ordered.

"Trembling, with bars of a prison cell looming in my head, I handed over the parcel. He removed the wrapping, took out the cork, sniffed the contents, lifted the bottle to his lips and took a fair-sized drink.

"Recorking and returning the bottle, he said, 'That's all right, but you want to be careful. Sometimes they give you poor stuff.' "

Another fellow columnist who deserves recognition is Larry Winnik, who writes for the Friends of Hanauma Bay Newsletter. His funniest effort to date is about the inexpensive, underwater camera he bought. To wit:

"I've taken over 1,000 photos, and a few have actually been in focus. I've amassed an extensive collection of fish parts, dorsal and fin shots and partial body shots. The most extensive collection consists of tail shots.

"When the fish see me coming they normally head the other way. Thus, their rear end is the only thing visible. ...

"I seem to do better with stationary objects and of late have been focusing on nonmoving targets. These have included moray eels sticking their heads out of holes, pencil urchins, coral rocks and ... my sometimes snorkeling buddy, Bob."

Winnik did a column on the sex life of octopi, but it's not the kind of thing that should be in a family newspaper.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-0873.