FAMILY MATTERS
Guy talk comes down to 'I'm smarter than you'
By Ka'ohua Lucas
"Let's talk about MY favorite subject," my husband said. "Me!"
This seems to be the preferred topic that the men in my 'ohana most enjoy discussing.
Conversations are equivalent to a rigorous tennis match. One person serves. The other returns his serve with a ground stroke, followed by continual volleys at the net.
It's really quite spectacular — especially if you are a spectator.
We had just arrived home. I was scurrying about in attempt to prepare dinner. Oddly enough, neither boy had homework. And my husband was in another one of his jovial moods.
This was the men's opportunity to dialogue.
"Did you know that the Earth has a force field around it?" the 8-year-old asked.
"No, I didn't."
"It does. When asteroids try to enter the atmosphere, they break up into a million pieces. Smart, huh?"
Before I can respond ...
"Hey, Mom," the 12-year-old said. "I got 29 out of 30 on my math test."
He gyrates his hips with arms pumping in a circular motion. "I am good, uh huh, oh yes I am," he chants.
These men certainly do not lack self-confidence. In fact, Hawaiian scholar Mary Kawena Pukui's reference book, " 'Olelo No'eau," has a wise saying in poetical terms for someone who thinks highly of himself: "Huki ku i luna ka lae o Kala'au." ("The point of Kala'au holds itself high.") This is a Moloka'i expression said of a person who is egotistical or self-centered.
But the confident behavior at home is rarely on display in public.
Home is where they are free to practice a series of winning shots.
"Jordan is in Africa," my 8-year-old stated.
"Mmmm," I murmured distracted.
I was mixing poi while attempting to prepare 'ahi I had bought for dinner.
"No it's in the Middle East," said my husband as he retrieved our 1958 version of the atlas.
"Yes, it is in the Middle East, but it's in the continent of Africa," my eldest informed us.
"The Middle East and Africa are two different things," my husband argued.
"No, there are many middle eastern countries that are in the continent of Africa, such as Libya, Algeria and Morocco," my 12-year-old said. "Your atlas is outdated."
"Oh, I don't need a more current atlas," my husband said, snapping the atlas closed.
Then he tapped his cro-magnon forehead.
"In fact, I have one right up here," he said.
With that remark the volleys picked up speed.
"Dad, I'm smarter than you," the 12-year-old stated.
"No!" shouted the 8-year-old, jabbing his finger in the direction of his brother. "I'm smarter than you!"
"Guys," my husband intervened, and said with sincerity:
"Neither of you is smarter than the other because," and he paused for effect. "I'm smarter than the both of you, hah, hah!"
The volleys ended. The tennis match came to an abrupt halt.
And a new spectator sport ensued. A wrestling match on the living-room floor.
Reach Ka'ohua Lucas at Family Matters, 'Ohana Section, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; fax 525-8055; or ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com.
