Some couples see need to tie financial knot first

• Is a stable financial future likely?
• Tips for handling money discord

By Russ Wiles
Arizona Republic

Gina Fioramonti and her fiancé, Blake Desmarteau, do an exercise as they attend a money-management seminar at the Franciscan Renewal Center in Paradise Valley, Ariz. Engaged couples are recommended to work out financial differences before tying the knot. Gannett News Service

Tie the knot, and you'll also bind yourselves to common expenses, credit records, investments, wills, taxes, housing, insurance and more.

It's not a topic lovebirds normally discuss over candlelit Valentine's dinners, but money discord can eat away at a marriage. Financial stress frequently plays a role in divorce.

"Money and emotions are closely intertwined," said Ginita Wall, a San Diego financial adviser and spokeswoman for the GE Center for Financial Learning.

Given the hazards, it's little wonder that Scottsdale, Ariz., residents Gina Fioramonti and Blake Desmarteau, who are planning a May wedding, spent a recent Sunday afternoon attending a financial-planning crash course with two dozen other couples.

The idea was to expose the couples, almost all in their 20s and 30s, to the volatile role money can play in a relationship. The sessions are mandatory for betrothed Catholic couples in the Phoenix Diocese, and open to others.

"It's something that should be offered well into marriage," Desmarteau said.

Couples often start out with different attitudes about money, whether it's spending, debt, risk, goals or other aspects. If they don't talk about these differences, it lays the foundation for future problems, advisers say.

"Sometimes you're both spenders, sometimes you're both savers, and sometimes you have one of each," said Phoenix financial adviser David Robinson, who taught the course. "It's absolutely crucial to find that out first."

Conflicting attitudes and behavior about spending and credit-card use are among the red flags. Others include situations where one or both partners has a gambling addiction or a bad credit history.

Because people have different money experiences, they may have different attitudes. "But recognizing there are differences can help solve issues," said Charles Scott, a financial planner and divorce specialist at Pelleton Capital Management in Scottsdale.

Like many engaged couples, Desmarteau and Fioramonti took a pre-wedding quiz designed to bring their attitudes and beliefs into focus.

"We both come from families with similar values about money," Fioramonti said. "But we were surprised to find that finances is a place where we still have differences."

A couple's discussions should include such things as long-term goals, budgeting, attitudes about investment risk and more, experts say.

One possible source of friction comes when one partner brings a house, inheritance or other large asset into a marriage. In such cases, it may be wise to consider a prenuptial agreement.

Robinson, head of David Robinson & Associates, rarely sees prenuptials used by young couples, but does encounter them more frequently among people in a second or third marriage.

One couple he knows has a prenuptial agreement and uses segregated accounts to keep virtually all financial affairs separate, except for the house and one checking account.

"It works out great," he said. "The couple is very happy."

All of this isn't to imply that financially challenged couples can't find happiness. But it's more of a struggle when partners have radically different views about money and what it can provide.

"If you choose poverty, perhaps wanting to give to the community like St. Francis of Assisi did, there's nothing wrong with that," Robinson said. "But if you're planning to show up broke at retirement, you've got to let your spouse know."

Is a stable financial future likely?

Arizona Republic

Take this true-or-false quiz from the Virginia Society of CPAs to see how well you know your partner's financial tendencies.

• We are aware of, and comfortable with, each other's money personalities.
• We've discussed our short- and long-term financial goals.
• We are well-versed in personal finance.
• We have discussed a plan to structure our finances.
• We have planned for the marriage's impact on our taxes.
• We have decided how to divide up the money management tasks.
• We understand the importance of establishing a realistic budget.
• I know my partner's investment personality and risk tolerance.
• I know how much debt my partner is bringing (or did bring) into our marriage.
• We have made a commitment to discuss money regularly.

Scoring: If you answered true to eight or more statements, you and your partner are on the way to a stable financial future, but you should keep communicating.

If you answered true to five to seven, you both should devote more time to planning your financial future.

If you answered true to four or fewer, commit to discussing the issues and consider meeting with a financial adviser.

Tips for handling money discord

Arizona Republic

Tips on handling financial differences, from "Love and Money: 150 Financial Tips for Couples," a pamphlet by Ginita Wall, a certified financial planner, and financial psychologist Kathleen Gurney.

For additional tips, go to www.financiallearning.com or www.wife.org.

• Don't try to buy affection, as that's a way to squander money and lose your partner's respect.
• Don't overreact to financial problems early in a relationship. View them as learning opportunities.
• Watch for signs of financial irresponsibility in your partner, including procrastination, unpaid loans to friends and credit denials. Discuss your goals with your partner, as almost everything you do together will cost money.
• Explore values with your partner, focusing on what you expect money to provide — comfort, prestige, self-actualization or something else.
• Consider a prenuptial agreement if not married and have an attorney review it.
• Create a workable financial structure, dealing with such issues as who will pay bills, balance the checkbook and research large purchases.
• Draw up a budget and discuss which items should be paid by whom.
• Consider a "yours, mine and ours" system of both separate and joint accounts.
• Maintain credit in both partners' names.