So many taxing situations
By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Staff Columnist
In addition to basketball season, this is, as the ads have come to painfully remind us, also the federal and state "tax season."
It is that time when even sports celebrities — the players, coaches and owners — run smack dab up against the tax code and have been known to get letters from the Internal Revenue Service, too.
Maybe even people like...
Dear Eldrick "Tiger" Woods
PGA Tour
Please be advised that as a result of your victory in the Buick Open we will be unable to grant the rebate allowance for "inferior equipment" that Phil Mickelson has graciously sought on your behalf.
Better — or is it worse? — luck next time.
Dear Peyton Manning
Quarterback
Indianapolis Colts
While your team's kicker might, indeed, be an "idiot" and his public statements childish as you have suggested, please be advised there is currently no provision in the tax code that would allow us to give either you or the Colts a child care credit for having to put up with him.
Dear Riley Wallace
Basketball Coach
University of Hawai'i
While we commend you on your continuing good fortune against the University of Tulsa, even five consecutive victories — home and away — over three years does not constitute ownership for tax purposes.
Therefore, we must again disallow your claim of an educational tax credit for "owning" a college.
Dear June Jones
Football Coach
University of Hawai'i
We regret to inform you that, even in your offense, allowing a running back the rare opportunity to carry the ball does not by itself constitute a charitable donation.
Dear Sirs
Front Office
Cincinnati Bengals
As much as we might commiserate with the continued setbacks you have experienced, the fact that the national media has referred to your franchise as a "disaster area" does not entitle you to claim a $200 million credit for disaster relief.
Dear Jim Bowden
General Manager
Cincinnati Reds
While we certainly understand your disappointment over the way the Ken Griffey Jr. trade has worked out for the ballclub, we cannot allow you to write off his entire $116.5 million contract as depreciated machinery.
Nor, unfortunately, are we in a position to force the Seattle Mariners to give you Mike Cameron back.
