ABOUT WOMEN
Keeping silent is best when he and his hair are parting ways

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

We were at the beach, and it was windy.

Maybe it wasn't a fair time to bring up his hair.

"Hon?" I said, "So, how come you can't make this side of your hair look like the other side?"

I had just gone where every woman should fear going. I pointed to what appeared to be the sprouting of a comb-over on the head of my soon-to-be-balding boyfriend.

I had broached the subject once before, and I should have known better than to bring it up again.

As soon as it came out of my mouth, I felt like such a nag.

But it was too late.

We were having the "Style Tips for the Hair-Challenged" discussion, except I was the only one talking. And he was just looking at me like I had just insulted his manhood, mumbling something about a cowlick and a "low part."

Really, I was only trying to help. I didn't accuse him of combing wisps of hair over a bald spot. I was merely trying to prevent that from ever happening to him. I didn't realize it would be such a touchy subject.

He says a woman criticizing a man's hair is like a man asking a woman if her pants are getting too tight. (I didn't ask him if he was implying that he thought I was getting fat, but the thought did cross my mind.)

Guys are allowed to say, "Hey, man, you're going bald," he says. Women aren't.

Women can talk about hair gels and conditioners, he says. His buddies don't, unless it's in the form of some kind of insult.

He says there's no need for me to make it abundantly clear that he's literally shedding his youth. I didn't mean to offend his inner Peter Pan.

We struck what I thought was a deal. I will not get my hair cut short as long as he fights the urge to part his hair "so low." (I later learned that he wants me to keep my hair long no matter what he does to his hair. I will do what I can to keep the peace.)

He says he's going to drag me to the hairdresser so I can explain how his hair should look because he doesn't know what I'm talking about. But there's no way he'd take me to a barber shop. That, he says, is strictly a woman-free zone.

Apparently, he has taken advice from women about his hair before.

He said, "My grandmother always said, 'The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut? Two weeks.' "

I wonder if she mentioned anything about styling?

Once again, I fear I'm saying too much. Writing about this may stir up more trouble, but my guy says it won't bother him.

If he takes too much ribbing, he's threatening to shave his head. I told him I'd love him anyway, especially without the beginnings of a comb-over.

I'm sensing his patience on this topic is reaching its limit, though, and I may never be able to speak of it again. I don't want to look into his eyes and have him worry that I'm really fixated on the top of his head.

Hair critics, beware: Some cutting comments are better left unsaid.

It might be a good idea to leave it alone. Better yet, I should go work out. I think my pants are getting too tight.

Reach Tanya Bricking at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.