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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, January 9, 2003

ISLAND VOICES
Successful rules to live by

By Leighton H. Loo
Mililani resident

With the New Year comes our penchant for making New Year's resolutions. It is a good time to reflect on time-tested principles that have ensured past and present civilizations' long-term survival and success.

Be thankful for what you have instead of angry for what you do not. Celebrate what you have because others do not even have that. The alternative is to make yourself miserable dwelling on the negative.

The Buddhists are largely right when they say that desire is the root of all pain. Much suffering is the pain of not having what you want. However, that is not to say that wanting more is bad in itself because it also makes us strive to be better, and that is the secret of American success where everyone is free to fulfill his or her dreams.

Be honest. Honesty is the foundation of trust, and civilization cannot exist without trust. Could you function if you could trust no one? Honesty begins with you. For you to trust others, others have to be able to trust you.

Resolving conflicts peacefully should always be the goal when possible and reasonable. Violence is all too pervasive throughout the world and most of the time so unnecessary. But this does not mean that pacifism is necessarily always the moral choice because sometimes you have to defend the innocent.

Do not steal. While this would seem obvious, in today's society it is becoming less so to some because of the impersonalization and the age of electronic value. As society becomes more impersonalized, people find it easier to shoplift from stores, "take" things from their workplace, cheat insurance companies or the government because it is rationalized as not actually stealing from a person but simply taking advantage of opportunities against an inhuman thing — and supposedly no one gets hurt. What is forgotten is that all these organizations are made up of people who have to deal with the losses and are dependent on the welfare of those organizations.

Be loyal to your spouse or life partner. The foundation of civilization is the family unit, and the foundation of family is fidelity to the spouse. As difficult as it may be, keeping a stable family together presents the overall best chance for children — the future of any society — to reach their full potential. Prisons are loaded with people who have been reared in broken homes. There is spiritual and character value in the striving to stay together.

Respect and cherish your parents. A citizen's respect for authority and rules begins with a child's relationship with his parents. There is value in timeless wisdom and experience. While no parent is perfect, they gave you your chance at life. Who else will support you, love you, nurture you and guide you almost unconditionally?

Take responsibility for your actions. Do not use a higher authority as an excuse. All over the world, people blame others and society for their misbehavior. During World War II, Nazis said, "I was only following orders." Currently, al-Qaida and the Taliban use Allah as an excuse for mass murder and cruelty. If people realize that they could not blame others, they would make better and more moral decisions.

Become a part of and be loyal to something larger than yourself — be it a cause, a religion, a charitable organization, etc. This will elevate you above yourself and will produce a better society.

Make good values and people priorities over symbols and things. In today's materialistic society, it is too easy to get lost in the glitter and forget the people who count and the values that ultimately lead us to a good life. The reality is that the people who are the happiest are those who have true friends and the love of their family.

Take time to rest. At least one day of the week should be reserved for something other than work. Research shows that regular breaks from the routine enhance performance.